Sometimes days seem to move just like a big fat man
I woke up this morning with a certain sense that gravity had increased, this is normally a seasonal holiday phenomena, but this weight of the many decisions have affected my centre of gravity this week and taken their toll, Today I have to decide if I will stay or go... I have a final meeting with my boss and he will try and sway me.
Sometimes days seem to end up where they first began
I had my meeting and over the 30 tense minutes my boss seemed to make a little sense but I wasn't biting, seeing this he pulled out the big guns and said that he would have to cancel my work visa if I left. This was a point that was too difficult to ignore and the comfortable chair then seemed like a barrel, and I was over it. So I grunted and ended the meeting and said that I would consider and speak to him by the end of the day.
The day started with this heavy meeting and a deadline, I frowned all the walk home and sat in my near empty apartment and thought. I was saved by an invite to go shopping in the big city, lacking levity in my day I keenly took up the offer from my friends. I spoke very little on the drive into the city and it was clearly apparrent that I was far away in thought marked distinctly by a frown. Efforts were made to engage me in conversation with little to no success, I was still lost in the myriad posibilities that I had considered options until that morning. A nice job in Zeilona Gora has slipped through my fingers. I can't tell you enough how the prospect of a new town would renew my outlook. But it isnt on my dance card any time soon.
The day improved with sights and shopping, but nothing for me. lunch was an absent minded operation as I still stewed over the factors and the ever dwindling options. I had a beer and a laugh and chatted a bit to escape my opressive thoughts and so I was myself again for a while. I started to talk about the problems I had and then my friend said - "You would not need a visa if you got married." I answered, "...True, but the one woman in the world I would want to marry isn't interested in me." This left a surprised look on my friends face, I would not say anymore so we continued our coffees and changed the topic.
The drive home was a relief, I needed to stare out the window and see what I had worked out in my day and what I was going to decide. All my options had been squashed by the threat of my visa being revoked. So I needed time, time to make a better plan and make a better exit from this town. I started singing a song in my mind absently...
I've got my t.v tuned to channel you, because there's nothing else that I can do
On the way home and at points throughout the day I thought about my discussion at the coffee shop and it is quite apparent to me that there is no changing my feelings, I love someone and I cannot shake it nor do I even want to. There literally is nothing else that I can do.
maybe I should set my heart for cruise control...
SUMMARY - Well it seems that I cannot just leave my employer - I have to stay because he will cancel my visa if I don't and then I cannot work at all and would have to go through the whole process again. Ruthlessly logical.
So I have a 6 month goal now. Save a lot of money and then make the move to somewhere else. I will try for Italy Spain Or France, but I think because I am not an EU citizen that it will be very difficult. We will see... Obi