Communication Channels

I was surprised to find a message in a bottle for me. No, not a bottle of Alcohol, I barely have a beer a week now, a bottle from across the sea...

I read its contents and set adrift my own message with all the energy of loves lost hope can bring I tossed it back into the ocean and the waves quickly swallowed it.

Today I had to prepare for an appointment tomorrow with my boss to one of the local big companies. It seems my boss sent them a proposal for me to teach them a few hours a week. This time I was at least consulted on a few things about it, not thrown in the deep end as per past experience. so I guess there is progress.

I have been exceptionally depressed of late, I am embarrassed to say that I have barely left my house and it now has become comfortable not to. Although the new school year is starting and bouquets of sharpened pencil and fresh notepads will adorn the desks of my students my interest in teaching and most things has withered away. I will continue to do my work, I will continue to do all the things I need to do but I will think of other things and wish myself to be in other places. in fact I have even been starting to look for jobs at home again. I have a residence permit here in Poland but ironically no desire to be here at all anymore.

So where am I? I am at the start of a new semester. I am 2 weeks away from my parents arriving. I am struggling to focus on what needs to be done. I read today a great phrase in a book I am reading today. - 'Day-tight Compartments' - isolate the day from all others past and future and focus on what is at hand. so I will take that advice and I will throw myself into it.

Obi breathing deep...

going off line for a while...

I am not going to update my blog for a while. I can't really see a point. The person/people I want to convey my thoughts to aren't reading it and my content has shown a marked decline in its entertainment value.

I have a lot of person pain to manage at the moment and so dear readers I will return when I am ready.

Obi OUT....

Se7en Days to go...

I will be so glad when this week is over. I have my parents visiting in 2 weeks and then I will start looking for a new home somewhere within 5km of this place and half as cheap. Rent day is on the 10th and I don't really have enough cash to pay it. I am not sure what I will do... If I were in Australia I would laugh off $400 for a month but I have not worked for 6 weeks and so I am really low on cash.

I will also pay closer attention to the online ads for jobs to replace this one. It will be an odd time of year to work so I will see what happens. I will be going to Gdansk with my parents so I will scout out any schools etc. I have been given some good tips from a good friend back in Moscow - Hello Skipper! In fact if all goes south I may go back to Russia and work for 6 months until a real contract starts up here in Western Europe. It is a shame I cannot get a job easily in the UK, I would really like to examine and experience a culture so similar to my own but different. but I am too old for a visa...

What else? Not a lot really. I hope all out there are well. I thank my friends and wish them restful sleep - Obi

Shelly to Lantern - what a contrast!

I read some Shelly for a while and had a bottle of Chilean red wine - called Gatto something and then decided that I needed a break so I went for a walk alone into the park next to my house. I came back and started reading some English teaching methodology for about 30 minutes before I got bored of it and started reading some classic Superman and Green Lantern...

At the end of the day I must admit Green Lantern was more rewarding than reading prose about lost love... Obi

I Love New Words

Sun-Tzu - Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.

I heard a new word today -
Frenemy - NOUN - They are the people you don't like and are threatened by, that you pretend to like and keep them close so you can keep an eye on them.

I like it! - Obi

Streets of your town...

My Town!

So this is where I live - you are welcome to move the camera around and look at the people as I sometimes do - I even recognise a few from time to time...

Today is a sunny day and the first day of the rest of my life. a little humid but not as bad as Warsaw or Katowice!

Today I may read a little of the Bhagavad Gita or maybe some Byron or Shelly...

I do have some Keats and DH Lawrence, I must admit I am partial to poetry... don't tell anyone I told you that!

It is amazing the number of books I have inherited from other teachers and English native speakers...

People Hide Their Love

By Wu-Ti, Emperor Of The Liang Dynasty (A.D. 464-549)

Who Says That It's By My Desire,This Seperation, This Living So Far From You?

My Dress Still Smells Of The Perfume You Wore;

My Hand Still Holds The Letter That You Sent. Round My Waist I Wear A Double Sash;

I Dream That It Binds Us Both With The Same-Heart Knot.

Did You Know That People Hide Their Love,

Like A Flower That Seems Too Precious To Be Picked?

One of my favs I think...

Obi got his specs on and ready for tea scones and a nice day of reading...

Does anyone know of the book of letters Jean-Paul Satre wrote to Simone de Beauvoir?? It is out of print but I would love to source a copy, supposed to be the most romantic book in the world...

Holidays are over...

I consider now that my holiday is at an end. this malaise of time in seclusion is at an end, but not without its gift and detriments.

I will have to arrange my time now so that I can be more efficient. Shed the unnecessary and then the unneeded.The people in this town have shown me that there is no place for me here and I am and will always bee an outsider, no matter how positively I contribute to the lives of others, no matter how much I conform. So I say fuck em. I will be counting down the days of my contract, I will be avoiding all contact with people other than within my work time. I will not work over time I will not work for free and I will not cover the work of others.

I have stopped going to the local bar and associating with the people I knew there. I am not their friend, no matter how much I worked at becoming that. My focus and my target is now to do as little as I am required to do and to make plans for the future out of this little small minded town.

I got no rejuvenation from rest or a relaxing holiday as I had hoped for, all my holiday plans went down the toilet. So I will have to use my anger and utter determination not to be consumed by this situation.

What did Public Image Limited say in their song?? "Anger is an energy!" - Obi is in a filthy mood.

Subconscious Synchronicity

Someone out there is listening to the same song and feeling the same way I do...

That kind of connection must be worth something... still... Obi

Sanctuary!

Webisode 1 Webisode 2 Webisode 3 Webisode 4 Webisode 5 Preview

Webisode 5 - well you better subscribe to the website and I suggest you do - it is a fabulous story based around an original story with a few of the cast of Stargate SG1. I am engrossed and I am sure you will be too!

About...
Stem cells, gene therapy, transplants, cloning… The very meaning of the word “humanity” changes daily in the modern world. But there is a darker side to the evolution of mankind, a truth only a few brave souls are willing to face:
There are monsters loose in the world. And they are the key to the future of our race.
Each webisode of Sanctuary follows the exploits of Dr. Helen Magnus (AMANDA TAPPING, Stargate SG-1, Stargate Atlantis) as she seeks out all manner of terrifying and monstrous creatures. She is aided in her quest by her reluctant protégé Will Zimmerman (ROBIN DUNNE, Dawson’s Creek, The Big Hit, Species 3) and her intrepid, if somewhat reckless daughter Ashley (EMILIE ULLERUP, Battlestar Galactica). Together they will be drawn into a frightening and mysterious world populated by beings that defy explanation.
Fusing stunning visual effects, Sanctuary takes the viewer into a thrilling world where science meets the supernatural. This fictional online universe fills the void left by traditional network television by providing multiple High Definition resolutions, immersive interaction, and direct communication between the viewer and the Sanctuary creative team.
We feature world class talent, including creature effects by Emmy Award winner Todd Masters (Six Feet Under, Star Trek - First Contact), executive producers Martin Wood, John Smith, and Damian Kindler (Stargate SG-1, Stargate Atlantis), game executive Marc Aubanel (FIFA Soccer, Need for Speed, Marvel Nemesis), online designer John Kalangis, and computer graphics designer Ron Martin. Add to this an internationally recognizable cast, these web broadcasts will be the highest quality and most technically advanced filmed content ever developed for the Internet.

Sanctuary Homepage

Obi addicted!

Big Changes

I met with my boss today and the whole conversation was about the Business course proposals he has sent out to the major companies in the region. This more than anything has made me start thinking that I will be starting work in 2 weeks.

As depressed as I am I can't even get out of my own way, so I have had to give myself some mental coffee and a cold shower for my sleeping cerebellum and get some energy into the things I need to do.

• Firstly I will have to start preparing classes for the courses I am 'possibly' going to be starting. as well as all the standard courses I have in the EU project.
• Secondly I will have to start boxing things up and getting ready to move. I have to think about finding a much smaller and cheaper apartment. this place is like the grand hall at The summer palace in St.Petersburg! I am collecting boxes here and there from the supermarket and I am making sure I am cleaning and mopping every other day and scrubbing etc.
• Thirdly my parents will be arriving in the next 3 weeks. So I will go to Warsaw and spend a few days with them and bring them back to my town and have some fun etc.
• Fourthly I will have to start budgeting and arranging my time and energies so that I can extricate myself from this small town in Poland quite quickly at the end of my contract in February.

Quite an ambitious start for the week, but stuff has just gotta be done. Obi on the move...

Kickin Song!

Eternal Sunshine of a spotless mind

This morning I woke late and decided to look through a few DVD titles I have. I settled on Eternal Sunshine of a spotless mind.

It is a strange story of a less than normal girl meeting a quiet reserved guy and falling in love. During the course of their relationship they hit a rocky road and Kate Winslets character decides to get her memories of her boyfriend erased by a medical procedure. Her boyfriend goes to her work to make peace and she does not recognise him. He leaves confused and his best friends tell him that she had all memories of him erased. He considers the procedure himself and undergoes the process
The next morning he impulsively misses work and goes to the beach where they met and the both meet again, as strangers
The story is about all the memories he shares of her and how they slip though his fingers and how he fights against the process while unconscious.
In my opinion memories of relationships in success or failure make up who we are. All the bad memories as well as the good ones.

How does it end? It ends oddly. He just says okay and then the story fades out with a fading memory of them playing on the beach. So how does it end? well that I think is up to individual interpretation.

Obi - The filum critic

Fork In The Road

I should count my blessings. I am not a father, I am not a husband nor do I have any close emotional attachments to anyone, I have no real bills or a difficult job so my life is simple and my decisions are my own. Sounds good doesn't it?

I wish it felt that simple.

I am a leaf on the wind... just a lonely leaf... Obi

Snapshot

Well let me put it all into perspective for new readers...

I came to my small part of Poland in late January and I have been teaching since then. I work for a nice couple, husband and wife in a small school in northern Poland. The private school is quite busy considering the size. there are 20 Polish teachers teaching English and German, I am one of 2 native speaking teachers that lives nearby. The other is an eccentric Englishman, a retired grammar school teacher and I like him but rarely see him. I was hired by the school because they won a EU project contract. This contract means that 90 plus people can learn English twice a week at varying levels and have it all taught for free. There is no shortage of students, all are between 20 and 50 and keen to learn... most of the time. I have Business and General English classes and I share each class with a co teacher - a polish teacher. So the students can ask questions freely and be taught Grammar more easily than from me that native speaker. My role is to teach and engage their language skills and teach more as well as pronunciation and common usage of English and slang and phrases.

I have about 7 classes in this project and various other in company classes with students paid for by their company's.

I live in a huge 2 bedroom flat alone above a very noisy cafe and on the main road into town. it is quite noisy but I have gotten used to the sirens the ambulances and the huge lorries that go through the sleeping town.

There are about 30,000 residents and a few smaller villages outside the town limits.

I know a lot of people, or should I say that everybody knows me. It is quite ridiculous. Everybody in town knows me and it is difficult to go anywhere or do anything without people telling friends and my students where and when they saw me and with whom... Quite frustrating to be in the public eye.

What else can I tell you? I can't really speak Polish yet but I understand a lot. By the grace and kindness of my boss he has helped me gain residence in Poland for at least another year. Really not in my plan. I actually want to be living in Germany next year and doing a business degree via the Internet. You never know what will happen. Likely I will move to Krakow and live there for 6 months after this contract and then apply like crazy for jobs in Germany or Italy. and if that fails - take a job in Vietnam or Cambodia or China...

Well that is me. 37 and feeling every bit one century older.

Obi - starting again...

Something different...

Its time...

Time to hang up the gloves and put away the shingle. Am I angry, does it matter? No. Nothing will change and nor will there be any opportunity to, that was all I wanted.

I have lost so often in my life that I am numb from the recounting.

Am I speaking poetry to the taxman? Yes. Right person, right place, wrong time. 'nuff said.

bless and god keep you.

Obi obstinate no more.

Polly

Well dear readers I have been asked by a dear friend to help her in her quest for 5 minutes of fame. I want to tell you about my friend 'Polly'. Now Polly is not her real name as anonymity lends itself to mystery.
Polly is an interesting gal. Rather chatty and verbose, helpful and supportive and quite hooked on Obi's website. Seems that the farcical and ridiculous nature of my life appeals to her and her morning cappuccino at he great desk of power.
Polly is stylish and in the know about the gossip in the world, (is it still gossip if you know no one in the stories told to you, or is it delightful distraction?). Polly is a great cook and an excellent shopper. She works hard and saves time to play for strategic enjoyment, a bird in the hand so to speak...
Anyway, I digress. Polly has been rather helpful to me in distracting me from the current morbidity of my life and helps me entertain loftier goals like : happiness, joy and the art of a good caffinatory experience.
Why is she called Polly? Poly means many and Polly has many talents, most of which are talking but nonetheless important!
So Helloooo Polly yes helloooooo Polly... (singing off into a Broadway tune...)
Obi - Still at home and bunkering in..

Last Words Spoken

Speaking the final words to someone so important to me has taken the very breath from me. I don't believe any more. I don't believe I have another word to say.

I have been a captive in my apartment for the last 4 days, avoiding calls and SMS from people. Time has moved so abstractly and the hours have passed in an oddly painful way.

Life is continuing outside my windows with a tranquil apathy reserved for the unimportant and those filled with no more purpose. I have neither importance nor purpose any longer.

I need to escape this place but where can I run and hide from myself? I have selected the oddest life where solitude is polarised into a harsh focus and loneliness has a gravity of its own and pulls me down.

Any suggestions dear readers? Obi

There is nothing left to say...

Sometimes, and you never know just with whom, but you run out of words. Sure there are plenty of things to say and you can waffle on for a lifetime, but when your last words are drawing to a close you know.

You know that each of the few words left must contain something important. That each vowel and consonant must convey your last message perfectly.

There is someone in my life that I can see such an end. I am deeply saddened and my lack of words betray me. She came into my life for a reason, nothing that I can fathom or appreciate properly at this juncture, but nonetheless very important. and, like the 6.10 train from Liverpool station, she is gone, on time or a few minutes late for her next destination. Each moment takes her further away from me. Its not what I want at all, but I am helpless to stop it.

I think I will save my last few words for another time... Obi

Summer Holidays

The bag is packed and sitting in the hallway and I am all set for a big adventure... Sadly every plan I had is all but dust.
My friends in Aberdeen are now busy and I can't go to see them. I had wanted to go to an English speaking country and see some friends and just enjoy the days as they pass...
Now I am stuck, I have wracked my brains for days and I can't figure out where I can go and see friends. all the people i think of are on holidays also...
So what a reality to be faced with. I have nowhere to go. Tho in years to come I will kick myself for not doing more but all I really want to do is be with friends and speak English freely.
too much to ask for - Obi