I have walked around St. Kilda - where this video is shot, to all the places he goes in this video and the crack of dawn and seen the sun rise over the pier...
A nice memory...
The week that was has been really good, I felt like a normal person and was justifiably fatigued at the end of the week instead of everyday as I had been with the virus I had. Seems the darn thing has gone through the entire office too, many of the admin staff has been off sick too.
I was looking online aimlessly as I usually do (don't we all) and I found jobs in Italy. Now I took Italian at school and I hated it, I have Italian friends and I love em, I have never been to Ital so I think next spring l'll take a train and explore for myself for a week. You never know, maybe Tuscany will be a great place for me to experience - there are jobs there too!
I have to confess to all now - I am a misery guts and it has been so long that I have been under this damp blanket that I honestly can't recall how to be really joyously happy and care free... Not even summer this year - tho tumultuous as it was moving from one country to another could make me happy.
So now Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury - I will undertake to examine the evidence and the root cause of this malaise and attempt to remember how to turn this frown upside down... Won’t be easy or quick but I will begin it seriously.
The jury is out - Obi
The new teacher leaving in a whirlwind of dust has affected Obi too. For many reasons that he won't discuss he is really disappointed with himself. His health is a factor here and he is now resolved to force change!
His car now has to go and trying to find someone to help him is really difficult, people at work are stressed and getting most Germans to help you is just a running joke! This is also part of the reason he has started a moratorium on buying furniture.
This sure as shit isn't Kansas Toto! - Obi
My readership has changed too I have noticed, unlikely for the better. fewer and fewer comments on my page and I understand why. To speak of life in joyous terms you must have one... and I, my biggest flaw being my generosity, have given all but my breath away. I am washed clean of any further giving. This week coming I must dispose of my car as it is too expensive to repair. I must do a great many things that do not feed me and my energy wanes.
A small mistake last week was taken out of proportion and allowed to run amok on the life of someone I care about deeply. though the shouting I sensed through the brief email forced me to look at another aspect of my connection to that special person. It is fading and waning and dying. There is no time or opportunity to water it and feed it and expose it to the sunlight and warm winds. There is no time for any care or maintenance at all and so things untended die.
Curiously I have another friend in Australia that has stopped speaking to me altogether, without warning and without incident. This effect cascaded and continued and 2 others, completely unconnected have fallen off the world. No sms or email and message has changed this and I suspect I must change my deodorant or something about me to stop this from happening. But what and how?
My work is becoming quite intolerable in the consumption of my life and time, recently I had a thought that seems foreign and odd and the surprise came with I discovered it was my own, independent of any teaching and or employment. It has been such a long time since I was me, and even the warm summer sunshine cannot relax me and allow me to weep at the loss of me. It is less and less often now that I'm moved to write here and I know that there is an end to all things, but this blog is the only thing that connects me to some people out there and I will not falter.
So here is where my post ends... still tired, still drained, still... Obi the unconscious constant