Overkill

This video is a classic and I found myself humming this tune today and it has just come to me.
I have walked around St. Kilda - where this video is shot, to all the places he goes in this video and the crack of dawn and seen the sun rise over the pier...
A nice memory...

Lyrics

Obi-kill... :)

Tuesday

Well Tuesday is coming just like any other tuesday in between Monday and Wednesday, but this one is special.
Special coz we are having a teachers meeting about the direction of the school. I have expressed my points eloquently in a 3 page summary recommendation.
Each problem addressed by a possible solution. I think that is fair - no point ganging up on the boss. He will just clam up and nothing will be achieved.
The problem is that my boss couldn't find a good teacher to save his life. He pays peanuts and is never around - now considering he has 50 teachers in 3 locations and hundreds of students - you would think he is better organised. He is making money... so why aren't I seeing more...

Been offered a job in Kiev through a trusted friend. It is very very tempting.

so so sooo tired...

Obi

I'm still thinking 'bout all the things she never said...

I always think about the blurred crusade...

aaaaaaaah...
...back to earth.

Well Monday started like the bitch she is and killed the battery in the company car - so I had to pay 20 Euros in taxi's to get to my classes. Which of course is more money than i make in those classes - so for the week I am faaaar behind - F&*%#&ka^*%R&n IT!

Watching 1980's Oz on the You tube... Obi -ng a fucking angry munchkin!

Sunday Night

A hibernating weekend for me, I stayed in my flat all weekend and I am happy for the solitude.
I have been working on my list of things to do. I hope I can get some of that started on Monday.

Obi

Smooth Slide

The week that was has been really good, I felt like a normal person and was justifiably fatigued at the end of the week instead of everyday as I had been with the virus I had. Seems the darn thing has gone through the entire office too, many of the admin staff has been off sick too.
I was looking online aimlessly as I usually do (don't we all) and I found jobs in Italy. Now I took Italian at school and I hated it, I have Italian friends and I love em, I have never been to Ital so I think next spring l'll take a train and explore for myself for a week. You never know, maybe Tuscany will be a great place for me to experience - there are jobs there too!
I have to confess to all now - I am a misery guts and it has been so long that I have been under this damp blanket that I honestly can't recall how to be really joyously happy and care free... Not even summer this year - tho tumultuous as it was moving from one country to another could make me happy.
So now Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury - I will undertake to examine the evidence and the root cause of this malaise and attempt to remember how to turn this frown upside down... Won’t be easy or quick but I will begin it seriously.
The jury is out - Obi

Smooth Tuesday

Well a smooth tuesday and a good nights sleep helped me. the break in the middle of the day is usually hated by most teachers, it means you day is not your own, but today I didn't mind so much.

I felt okay and made sure I had time to focus and did a lot of planning and I am all set for most of tomorrow.

I will shower and sleep soon...

I heard from my Polish princess today. Al the way from across the seas. not a good chat really, I do feel uncomfortable that other people can read her skype etc, so I am unsure what I can say or when, so she contacts me.

I heard from a dear friend with some kind words which I read and kept with me all day. Worked well.

Also heard that I can avoid the german drivers license by getting an English one and then using it in Europe... much better and no test required. I may even use it as an excuse to go to England for a week and have some fish and chips. I don't have any friends there, well a weirdo teacher I used to know, he is good value at a party but dangerous to be around. The other is an old flame and I am sure if I came within 500 metres of her or contacted her while I was there it would freak her out, so I won't. Pity really, I miss her and it would be great to catch up on her year.

I could visit a friend near Bristol but she is having severe relationship problems and so to avoid the flak I would just stay away.

Ah the myriad of choices I have! Oxford - here I come...

Tonight I am listening to some Youtube Powderfinger and it is soothing my mind.

I rewarded myself with Dinenr out in the Italian restaurant under my apartment, I am on the fifth floor by the way, the roof, and I have a marvelous vista...

Thanking God for the little things... Obi

Status Update

For all those that need to be filled in on the Obi story so far...

Obi lives in a very expensive town called K-town.

1. Obi's work life balance is way off and needs to get some balance. But he doubts he ever knew how to do that.
2. Obi is broke and going backwards. September is coming and his 6 month review will be happening. (well in fact it won't happen unless I make a time to speak to the boss, his care factor s really low.)
3. Obi's health is out of control, his infections and viruses and fevers and constant fatigue and high blood pressure and poor short term memory and disorientation... the list goes on.
4. He is also losing interest in his job and, tho not depressed by any means, it showing signs of wear and tear...

Solutions:

1. Obi Will examine his work life balance and find what he wants and was he finds rewarding in his spare time.
2. Obi will, in one month see how things look financially and then act on his 'Plan B' that is already in motion... (coz everyone hasta have a Plan B!)
3. Health - well there is a difficult subject, he will attempt to balance sleep and stress and food to their optimal levels. (That means going to bed straight after this post.)
4. It isn't really the job, it is the conditions that he finds himself in. Missing books and course materials, insufficent information about courses. Poor communication with management co-teachers and staff.

The new teacher leaving in a whirlwind of dust has affected Obi too. For many reasons that he won't discuss he is really disappointed with himself. His health is a factor here and he is now resolved to force change!

His car now has to go and trying to find someone to help him is really difficult, people at work are stressed and getting most Germans to help you is just a running joke! This is also part of the reason he has started a moratorium on buying furniture.

This sure as shit isn't Kansas Toto! - Obi

infections fevers and viruses and fatigue

Taking Stock

Sunday and the city is quieter than usual. There was a big fireworks festival on the Rhine last night and the entire region gathered for the spectacle. I was invited by sms and call to many a place and party along the Rhine but I refused all invitations politely. The spectacle of fireworks on me in the frame of mind I am in would have a distracting and opposite effect. I stayed in bed most of Saturday and moved only to open a can of soup which I heat and ate absently. I was washed clean of all things but Friday's utter debacle. I am exhausted on so many levels.

My readership has changed too I have noticed, unlikely for the better. fewer and fewer comments on my page and I understand why. To speak of life in joyous terms you must have one... and I, my biggest flaw being my generosity, have given all but my breath away. I am washed clean of any further giving. This week coming I must dispose of my car as it is too expensive to repair. I must do a great many things that do not feed me and my energy wanes.

A small mistake last week was taken out of proportion and allowed to run amok on the life of someone I care about deeply. though the shouting I sensed through the brief email forced me to look at another aspect of my connection to that special person. It is fading and waning and dying. There is no time or opportunity to water it and feed it and expose it to the sunlight and warm winds. There is no time for any care or maintenance at all and so things untended die.

Curiously I have another friend in Australia that has stopped speaking to me altogether, without warning and without incident. This effect cascaded and continued and 2 others, completely unconnected have fallen off the world. No sms or email and message has changed this and I suspect I must change my deodorant or something about me to stop this from happening. But what and how?

My work is becoming quite intolerable in the consumption of my life and time, recently I had a thought that seems foreign and odd and the surprise came with I discovered it was my own, independent of any teaching and or employment. It has been such a long time since I was me, and even the warm summer sunshine cannot relax me and allow me to weep at the loss of me. It is less and less often now that I'm moved to write here and I know that there is an end to all things, but this blog is the only thing that connects me to some people out there and I will not falter.

So here is where my post ends... still tired, still drained, still... Obi the unconscious constant

Missing An English Perspective

There is a certain girl I knew whose perspective on things and creative reality I miss today. Well, lets be honest now, I miss it every day since I met her and she walked out of my life like a staged queue of a scene in a play... Very Audrey Hepburn...

Makes no difference what I say now, opportunities lost and memories lanes never trod and all that...

lyrics come to mind....

You're not the first to think that everything has been thought before

I spoke to an echo and he said 'I’m not satisfied, I want something more

cos I am bored with three dimensions

I’m in love with three dimensions and if I listen to the seconds

reminds me of echolalia

But tonight I think of a song that spins in my head like the beer and thoughts of the stressful day tomorrow. I have to teach a first class of a group I will have all year so first impressions count.... aaaaand the book I am supposed to use has vanished and I cannot find it. This if becoming fucking hopeless and I am really annoyed with a company that can't control teachers that have school books and take them home and are too apathetic to bring them back.

The new teacher (miss - "I have a huge chip on my shoulder and expect everything") has not been scene for days, had (fake) food poisoning and missed a whole day of work that was offset to the rest of us. THEN smsed me and asked me for a book from school and expected me to drop what I was doing and hand delivery it to her (sick bed) lazy ass...

She is a pathetic excuse for a human. I reallly hope she leaves soon.

Friday tomorrow and I feel so weird coz I had a day in hospital for the endoscopy.

Obi really out of sync.

PS - thanks to my Dad for sitting down and typing out an email to me, it has been a while and I was in shock and grateful to recieve its wisdom.

The End Of Things

Well today I was in the hospital again. A final visit to remove the stint from my kidney, now the plug is removed and the stone shattered enough to come out... lots of water.

I am fed up and need a holiday. I don't think I have ever had the mechanism to 'know' when the right time is to organised my holidays, or to take the pressure off myself... and generally I suffer for it.

I need to figure out a way to save face and recover from this huge trip and heal from my procedure nad kidney stones and annoying coteachers and crazy schedules and the heaping loads of 'unexpected' that I have to eat everyday.

One day at a time.. Raw Obison...

Frustrated

I have had enough of that American Teacher, and I am not even going into it.

I have had enough of the crap I have had to go through with my kidney.

I have had enough of working 6 days a week for 4 months

I have had enough of not even having a chair to sit on at home other than a desk chair.

I have had enough of being ignored by friends in Erfurt, who were the main reasosn I actually came here.

I have had enough of working my guts out with my contract stating I get paid OT only every 6 months.

I have had enough of the over complicated work processes and a disorganised company.

I have had enough not having enough money to buy the things I need and dealing with banks and problems in a coutntry I am not even in (Australia)

I have had enough of shifting and changing schedules and time tables on a daily basis.

You see Ladies and Gentlemen, I have in fact had enough... now I get shitty and organised and make some changes...