Moving On

So here it is, the 1st of March tomorrow. February was a rough month with stress that I could not really sense directly. The consequences of stress are still the same with pressure building and things go past their factory and manufacture recommended limits, so too the human heart and brain.
This has been one of those months... and I have a few hours now to reflect on it and see what i had learned from the mistakes and miss taken roads.
I confirmed I have a long fuse that explodes disgracefully. Whenever I get mad I devastate whatever chances I have and destroy the situation utterly. I happens once every 10 years usually but its becoming more frequent and I should examine why.
I confirmed that I need love and not a clinging user in my life. I have a hard enough time managing the ups and downs of the rollercoaster and so I cant drag and pay for someone else that expects gucci and prada when I cannot even justify that for myself, sure I could afford it, but I haaate that pretentious crap.
.... Obi late for a class and contemplative

What kinda girlfriend forgets her beloved's birthday?

Greetings Folks!
It seems that my "a" is my beloved but the mirror is hers. The point of that statemnt really its the summary answer, let me explain.
I have a girlfriend, 28 and attractive and funny and charming and all the trimmings. I have only eyes for her and she has only eyes for herself. I have to admit in my long yet bad memory that I have never had such a self-important, self orientated girlfirned in my life, shades and tones of Sociopathy scent the air around the bullshit that flies.
She has had a chain of boyfriends before me that she, self admittedly leeched off, the previous being a millionaire that has companies and financial investments in several countries.

I on the other hand have a few things she wants:

1. A gulliable and open heart - from which she is crafting strings so tight that I will be an emotional marionette in her eyes very soon.
2. An unselfish desire to make her happy and help her get what she wants in life, which is mirrored by a selfish desire to get what she wants in life, all of it... ALL!
3. A care and concern for her health and welfare, which is mirrored by a strong care and concern for her welfare, and mine if it keeps me from being sick and providing her with attention money or anything else.
4. A nationality that she admires, or more to the point a culture and economy that she can thrive in, well she did with her millionaire boyfriend...
5. A schooling system that can help her achive her goals, mirrored by a schooling system that can feed already long and utterly impractical education, for a country that cannot produce wine in great quantities or in 90% of its regions, she studied vitaculture for 6 years. Its like getting an education that specialises in Glacial Studies in Sharian Africa...
6. An open heart that professes love and shares feelings, mirrored by "I love... your shoes." in response.
7. An open and communicative nature that wants to understand all and figure out the best way for her 'us' to achieve our goals, mirrored by wide open and worried green eyes, calculating and making plans with a mouth locked shut, in a blank refusal to communicate.

So folks that is me currently - my next step is to find some time to start planning my next steps, 1. away from herand 2. to a new and better situation...
wish Obi Luck!

Rocky Road and Icecream...

Well it has been a rocky road with cash currently, cards eaten by ATMs and or should I say 2 cards in a matter of a month.
I really wonder what life is trying to say... My girl is causing me a little distress, it seems every conversation has her imitating a baby bird, more the hand open than the beak but you catch my drift. Now for me, money has been inconsistent and tight the last 2 months nad as much as I like to indulge and be generous and kind, i just cant be at the moment.
As it is now I am waiting for my bank in Oz to send me my replacement ATM card and I have no money at all to speak of.
goals set for myself and deadlines nad promises are all dancing like a warped Ballet in my head and I can only deal with what is happening today, and sometimes tomorrow but that is a tough thing when zou are supposed to be organised up the waahzoo...
I dunno we will see what happens.
birthday is coming and another decade rears its head...

2011

So here we are in the new year and it all seems open. Well the window sure isnt, its munus 11 outside and snowing.
I have been thinking more and more about home lately and the idea of leaving this errant life of teaching. But the opportunity costs and I have to go home and explain to prospective emplyers why my resume has a 6 year gap.
that is one of the many worries I have, of course now being over 40 is a problem and I become less and less attractive as a prospective new employee... Ageism.
Well i can ponder all I like but the best thing to do is go and get healthy - now that is one albatros around my neck, my health has suffered a lot in the last 3 years and now I am in a bad way. I just have to reorganise my priorities and arrange.
...and of course I have to face the music with money when Iget home too i will be broke... god knows you cannot save money in this job...
More later gaters - Obi hath spoken

Foreign Friends and frivolity

Well a tornado has swept through this town once again and I have been, as most people are, blown off blance by the force this young tourist has taken.

I have a busy life made harder by the fact the temperature has drop a good 12c BELOW zero in a matter of 3 days! I cant believe it, what happened to the months of rain? In this city or in fact anywhere outside Australia you can hear the tick tock of the seasonal change count down, almost to the minute...

I am very content at present, I found a wonderful girl to spoil and it is returned, currently in dribs and drabs, but nonetheless it is coming back, only time will tell if it is returned in equal measure.

The good thing about spoiling someone is that if they do break up with you they are very unsatisfied with the next person who doesn't do all the little thinsg you did... its a passive revenge. hehehe. But all you can do when you are getting to know someone is give them as mucgh rope as they need, they will either hang themselves or make you a macrame of looove...

So my Solnichka awaits... the idea of her makes me warm even in this shearing -12c wind...
Obi is warmer

Before the dawn of December

Well hello all,

It has been soooome time since I posted last and I guess I didn’t need to externalise as much in the last year, nor do I know but I am sentimental about the idea of sending out my thoughts through the ether...

FACTS FIRST

I left Germany because I felt I developed a lot of dead ends in my life there and after a horrendous Christmas or personal destruction, I knew it was time to leave.

For my birthday I went to Kiev, a long time teaching friend had been trying to convince me to come to Kiev for almost 4 years, and as I was running out of options in Germany I decided to through caution to the wind and go for a week.

I will be the first to say I had a good time and it did give me the impetus to pack up and move and shake off the sadness soot.

So by May I had finished an extremely difficult and exhausting pack up of my life and went home to reset and revive in Oz. Three weeks later I arrived in Ukraine. It was quite the hot and sweaty summer and a huge culture shock, which, looking back on I was extremely arrogant about the illusion that I was desensitised after 6+ country moves in my life.

But, there it was - staring me in the face - the whole huge leviathan that is Ukrainian Culture. The fatalism, the apathy, the lack of respect for thing people and places. I breathed it in like Paris during rush hour, a few splutters and coughs of course along the way.

Making routines, settling into patterns and struggling to hold it all together to make a life worth living, it has been all consuming in the last 6 months or so...

I took a breath this week and looked around, I saw the seasons change and felt the cold in the air, the oncoming winter was looming.

I have had some health problems in the last 3 years, most people at my age have. Now inconveniently, one has returned and taken a lot of my strength and energy too...

This month I met a girl who is charming and slippery like an eel, wonderful fun and good company.

This month an old work colleague from Poland came to visit and he had a ball, I could not keep up nor did I want to go out til 4am every night. think he is coming back in a week or so, a curtain call.

FEELINGS

Quite the range of emotions have happened again and again. Why cant I ever learn... haha I have to laugh at myself. Frustration being key here, just the serious challenge of learning yet another language to be terrible at... Disappointment in a promise and a person, a real let down but a full recovery by me. Loneliness, well not so much actually, but more than I ever want ever again...

THOUGHTS

Getting old... just getting old...

SPECULATIONS

At this point I will give Kiev at least a full year and then next summer I will consider my options. I could happily return to the frying pan from the fire and go back to Germany, but I am not at that stage yet.

I could go home get a soul crushing job and buy a few dogs and live anonymously for the rest of my life, actually that sounds great...

The bear has awakened!

WOW It has really been some time since I blogged and felt that cathartic release of grumblings. Perhaps I should get back on that horse...

It’s been on my mind read readers...

So in the next week or so I will revamp the sight and represent in my relocated area.

I am certain none of my original readers will be reading so I hope to appeal to a new audience. I think the real reason I stopped was because I was becoming too bloody miserable even for me to read...

Back with lots of stories and bright observations ... news at 11

what is the difference??

What is the difference between...

Pressure sway
&
Precious way

??????

The swing of the hips I think!

O B i!

A Busy Week Ahead

The quiet before the storm and I am still in a positive mood for a record month now - wow how things change.
I badly need running shoes, so I will be going to the laufen place that does proper keinesiological running exams with computer testing etc to assess which shoe is best - seems this is the norm now, wow it must have been a lot time since I bought my last ASICS!
there is a wonderful plac to run by my house - right along the rhein and so I will be heading down there daily if I can to either get my jogging times up or power walk.
I have been to the local pub lately and making an effort to meet people and make friends. I have been quite successful by German auslander standards and so I just need to keep pushing and these friends will become regular normal friend, for those who don't read my blog, Germans are exceptionally hard to become and stay friends with, but after a certain point they are friends for life.
My German conversations skills are sloppy and horrible but I keep pushing ahead and stuggling on with my tutors - beer and barmaids - heheheh (wink)
I have a heavy work load this last few weeks, but boss has realised how many hours I am down on his tally and so he is jamming me with overtime (that will never be paid of course becasue they are considered back hours - all 78 of them) so that simply means no overtime pay for Obi ever ever again.
going to a castle on Sunday and looking forward to absorbing it all, I will be taking people there myself shortly, as as I have discovered about myself, I hate discovering new places alone even though I made a career of it for a decade.
So wish me well on my holidays ladies and gentlemen - they start in 7 daze! Obi out!

Funny SMSes

Very Funny Website - http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/