Sunday, November 28, 2010

Before the dawn of December

Well hello all,

It has been soooome time since I posted last and I guess I didn’t need to externalise as much in the last year, nor do I know but I am sentimental about the idea of sending out my thoughts through the ether...

FACTS FIRST

I left Germany because I felt I developed a lot of dead ends in my life there and after a horrendous Christmas or personal destruction, I knew it was time to leave.

For my birthday I went to Kiev, a long time teaching friend had been trying to convince me to come to Kiev for almost 4 years, and as I was running out of options in Germany I decided to through caution to the wind and go for a week.

I will be the first to say I had a good time and it did give me the impetus to pack up and move and shake off the sadness soot.

So by May I had finished an extremely difficult and exhausting pack up of my life and went home to reset and revive in Oz. Three weeks later I arrived in Ukraine. It was quite the hot and sweaty summer and a huge culture shock, which, looking back on I was extremely arrogant about the illusion that I was desensitised after 6+ country moves in my life.

But, there it was - staring me in the face - the whole huge leviathan that is Ukrainian Culture. The fatalism, the apathy, the lack of respect for thing people and places. I breathed it in like Paris during rush hour, a few splutters and coughs of course along the way.

Making routines, settling into patterns and struggling to hold it all together to make a life worth living, it has been all consuming in the last 6 months or so...

I took a breath this week and looked around, I saw the seasons change and felt the cold in the air, the oncoming winter was looming.

I have had some health problems in the last 3 years, most people at my age have. Now inconveniently, one has returned and taken a lot of my strength and energy too...

This month I met a girl who is charming and slippery like an eel, wonderful fun and good company.

This month an old work colleague from Poland came to visit and he had a ball, I could not keep up nor did I want to go out til 4am every night. think he is coming back in a week or so, a curtain call.

FEELINGS

Quite the range of emotions have happened again and again. Why cant I ever learn... haha I have to laugh at myself. Frustration being key here, just the serious challenge of learning yet another language to be terrible at... Disappointment in a promise and a person, a real let down but a full recovery by me. Loneliness, well not so much actually, but more than I ever want ever again...

THOUGHTS

Getting old... just getting old...

SPECULATIONS

At this point I will give Kiev at least a full year and then next summer I will consider my options. I could happily return to the frying pan from the fire and go back to Germany, but I am not at that stage yet.

I could go home get a soul crushing job and buy a few dogs and live anonymously for the rest of my life, actually that sounds great...

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

The bear has awakened!

WOW It has really been some time since I blogged and felt that cathartic release of grumblings. Perhaps I should get back on that horse...

It’s been on my mind read readers...

So in the next week or so I will revamp the sight and represent in my relocated area.

I am certain none of my original readers will be reading so I hope to appeal to a new audience. I think the real reason I stopped was because I was becoming too bloody miserable even for me to read...

Back with lots of stories and bright observations ... news at 11
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I - Obi...