Teacher Who?

Moving On

2011-02-28T10:32:00.002+01:00

So here it is, the 1st of March tomorrow. February was a rough month with stress that I could not really sense directly. The consequences of stress are still the same with pressure building and things go past their factory and manufacture recommended limits, so too the human heart and brain.
This has been one of those months... and I have a few hours now to reflect on it and see what i had learned from the mistakes and miss taken roads.
I confirmed I have a long fuse that explodes disgracefully. Whenever I get mad I devastate whatever chances I have and destroy the situation utterly. I happens once every 10 years usually but its becoming more frequent and I should examine why.
I confirmed that I need love and not a clinging user in my life. I have a hard enough time managing the ups and downs of the rollercoaster and so I cant drag and pay for someone else that expects gucci and prada when I cannot even justify that for myself, sure I could afford it, but I haaate that pretentious crap.
.... Obi late for a class and contemplative

What kinda girlfriend forgets her beloved's birthday?

2011-02-08T11:34:00.003+01:00

Greetings Folks!
It seems that my "a" is my beloved but the mirror is hers. The point of that statemnt really its the summary answer, let me explain.
I have a girlfriend, 28 and attractive and funny and charming and all the trimmings. I have only eyes for her and she has only eyes for herself. I have to admit in my long yet bad memory that I have never had such a self-important, self orientated girlfirned in my life, shades and tones of Sociopathy scent the air around the bullshit that flies.
She has had a chain of boyfriends before me that she, self admittedly leeched off, the previous being a millionaire that has companies and financial investments in several countries.

I on the other hand have a few things she wants:

A gulliable and open heart - from which she is crafting strings so tight that I will be an emotional marionette in her eyes very soon.
An unselfish desire to make her happy and help her get what she wants in life, which is mirrored by a selfish desire to get what she wants in life, all of it... ALL!
A care and concern for her health and welfare, which is mirrored by a strong care and concern for her welfare, and mine if it keeps me from being sick and providing her with attention money or anything else.
A nationality that she admires, or more to the point a culture and economy that she can thrive in, well she did with her millionaire boyfriend...
A schooling system that can help her achive her goals, mirrored by a schooling system that can feed already long and utterly impractical education, for a country that cannot produce wine in great quantities or in 90% of its regions, she studied vitaculture for 6 years. Its like getting an education that specialises in Glacial Studies in Sharian Africa...
An open heart that professes love and shares feelings, mirrored by "I love... your shoes." in response.
An open and communicative nature that wants to understand all and figure out the best way for her 'us' to achieve our goals, mirrored by wide open and worried green eyes, calculating and making plans with a mouth locked shut, in a blank refusal to communicate.

So folks that is me currently - my next step is to find some time to start planning my next steps, 1. away from herand 2. to a new and better situation...
wish Obi Luck!

Rocky Road and Icecream...

2011-01-31T11:24:00.002+01:00

Well it has been a rocky road with cash currently, cards eaten by ATMs and or should I say 2 cards in a matter of a month.
I really wonder what life is trying to say... My girl is causing me a little distress, it seems every conversation has her imitating a baby bird, more the hand open than the beak but you catch my drift. Now for me, money has been inconsistent and tight the last 2 months nad as much as I like to indulge and be generous and kind, i just cant be at the moment.
As it is now I am waiting for my bank in Oz to send me my replacement ATM card and I have no money at all to speak of.
goals set for myself and deadlines nad promises are all dancing like a warped Ballet in my head and I can only deal with what is happening today, and sometimes tomorrow but that is a tough thing when zou are supposed to be organised up the waahzoo...
I dunno we will see what happens.
birthday is coming and another decade rears its head...

2011

2011-01-06T13:12:00.002+01:00

So here we are in the new year and it all seems open. Well the window sure isnt, its munus 11 outside and snowing.
I have been thinking more and more about home lately and the idea of leaving this errant life of teaching. But the opportunity costs and I have to go home and explain to prospective emplyers why my resume has a 6 year gap.
that is one of the many worries I have, of course now being over 40 is a problem and I become less and less attractive as a prospective new employee... Ageism.
Well i can ponder all I like but the best thing to do is go and get healthy - now that is one albatros around my neck, my health has suffered a lot in the last 3 years and now I am in a bad way. I just have to reorganise my priorities and arrange.
...and of course I have to face the music with money when Iget home too i will be broke... god knows you cannot save money in this job...
More later gaters - Obi hath spoken

Foreign Friends and frivolity

2010-12-02T16:18:00.002+01:00

Well a tornado has swept through this town once again and I have been, as most people are, blown off blance by the force this young tourist has taken.

I have a busy life made harder by the fact the temperature has drop a good 12c BELOW zero in a matter of 3 days! I cant believe it, what happened to the months of rain? In this city or in fact anywhere outside Australia you can hear the tick tock of the seasonal change count down, almost to the minute...

I am very content at present, I found a wonderful girl to spoil and it is returned, currently in dribs and drabs, but nonetheless it is coming back, only time will tell if it is returned in equal measure.

The good thing about spoiling someone is that if they do break up with you they are very unsatisfied with the next person who doesn't do all the little thinsg you did... its a passive revenge. hehehe. But all you can do when you are getting to know someone is give them as mucgh rope as they need, they will either hang themselves or make you a macrame of looove...

So my Solnichka awaits... the idea of her makes me warm even in this shearing -12c wind...
Obi is warmer

Before the dawn of December

2010-11-28T16:49:00.003+01:00

Well hello all,

It has been soooome time since I posted last and I guess I didn’t need to externalise as much in the last year, nor do I know but I am sentimental about the idea of sending out my thoughts through the ether...

FACTS FIRST

I left Germany because I felt I developed a lot of dead ends in my life there and after a horrendous Christmas or personal destruction, I knew it was time to leave.

For my birthday I went to Kiev, a long time teaching friend had been trying to convince me to come to Kiev for almost 4 years, and as I was running out of options in Germany I decided to through caution to the wind and go for a week.

I will be the first to say I had a good time and it did give me the impetus to pack up and move and shake off the sadness soot.

So by May I had finished an extremely difficult and exhausting pack up of my life and went home to reset and revive in Oz. Three weeks later I arrived in Ukraine. It was quite the hot and sweaty summer and a huge culture shock, which, looking back on I was extremely arrogant about the illusion that I was desensitised after 6+ country moves in my life.

But, there it was - staring me in the face - the whole huge leviathan that is Ukrainian Culture. The fatalism, the apathy, the lack of respect for thing people and places. I breathed it in like Paris during rush hour, a few splutters and coughs of course along the way.

Making routines, settling into patterns and struggling to hold it all together to make a life worth living, it has been all consuming in the last 6 months or so...

I took a breath this week and looked around, I saw the seasons change and felt the cold in the air, the oncoming winter was looming.

I have had some health problems in the last 3 years, most people at my age have. Now inconveniently, one has returned and taken a lot of my strength and energy too...

This month I met a girl who is charming and slippery like an eel, wonderful fun and good company.

This month an old work colleague from Poland came to visit and he had a ball, I could not keep up nor did I want to go out til 4am every night. think he is coming back in a week or so, a curtain call.

FEELINGS

Quite the range of emotions have happened again and again. Why cant I ever learn... haha I have to laugh at myself. Frustration being key here, just the serious challenge of learning yet another language to be terrible at... Disappointment in a promise and a person, a real let down but a full recovery by me. Loneliness, well not so much actually, but more than I ever want ever again...

THOUGHTS

Getting old... just getting old...

SPECULATIONS

At this point I will give Kiev at least a full year and then next summer I will consider my options. I could happily return to the frying pan from the fire and go back to Germany, but I am not at that stage yet.

I could go home get a soul crushing job and buy a few dogs and live anonymously for the rest of my life, actually that sounds great...

The bear has awakened!

2010-11-16T16:42:00.002+01:00

WOW It has really been some time since I blogged and felt that cathartic release of grumblings. Perhaps I should get back on that horse...

It’s been on my mind read readers...

So in the next week or so I will revamp the sight and represent in my relocated area.

I am certain none of my original readers will be reading so I hope to appeal to a new audience. I think the real reason I stopped was because I was becoming too bloody miserable even for me to read...

Back with lots of stories and bright observations ... news at 11

what is the difference??

2009-05-06T00:23:00.001+02:00

What is the difference between...

Pressure sway
&
Precious way

??????

The swing of the hips I think!

O B i!

A Busy Week Ahead

2009-05-01T22:57:00.003+02:00

The quiet before the storm and I am still in a positive mood for a record month now - wow how things change.
I badly need running shoes, so I will be going to the laufen place that does proper keinesiological running exams with computer testing etc to assess which shoe is best - seems this is the norm now, wow it must have been a lot time since I bought my last ASICS!
there is a wonderful plac to run by my house - right along the rhein and so I will be heading down there daily if I can to either get my jogging times up or power walk.
I have been to the local pub lately and making an effort to meet people and make friends. I have been quite successful by German auslander standards and so I just need to keep pushing and these friends will become regular normal friend, for those who don't read my blog, Germans are exceptionally hard to become and stay friends with, but after a certain point they are friends for life.
My German conversations skills are sloppy and horrible but I keep pushing ahead and stuggling on with my tutors - beer and barmaids - heheheh (wink)
I have a heavy work load this last few weeks, but boss has realised how many hours I am down on his tally and so he is jamming me with overtime (that will never be paid of course becasue they are considered back hours - all 78 of them) so that simply means no overtime pay for Obi ever ever again.
going to a castle on Sunday and looking forward to absorbing it all, I will be taking people there myself shortly, as as I have discovered about myself, I hate discovering new places alone even though I made a career of it for a decade.
So wish me well on my holidays ladies and gentlemen - they start in 7 daze! Obi out!

Funny SMSes

2009-04-27T23:01:00.002+02:00

Very Funny Website - http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/

Schönes Wochenende!

2009-04-26T19:11:00.004+02:00

Hello All
A glorious weekend here, with sun and warm breezes in the day and fireworks by the river at night next to the carnival. The big ferris wheel is all lit and spins colourfully...
Lots more nice relaxing walks around town and I tend to like the thinking I do when I walk. A good friend of mine walks all the time but I can't walk with her.
I am currently looking for a new flat. I have a few in mind and within 4km from work, so walking distance. and far cheaper. but the whole drama of moving will be done alone and I have a little bit of furniture that will need some help moving.
I will start jogging next week, I have to get a nice new pair of sneakers tho so I will have a look around. I am looking to shed about 10kg to start - then we will see what healthy living and a positive attitude can do for the rest.
Waiting for my holiday!
Obi

Rockin' It Right

2009-04-22T21:33:00.006+02:00

Wow!!

It is utterly amazing how being on top of it all and in control of your daily life can really energise you!

I have achieved so much in the last 2 days I can't even being to tell you. I even completely organised my work space at work and refiled and catagorised the lot, and that is 15 sections.

Sorted my drivers license as much as I could - which was quite a lot, you have no idea how difficult it has been to get the paperwork in place to get this damn license changover and reassessment start - be very glad you have no idea.

I had a weird day - one class and tomorrow one class... and I get paid for a full week! Very odd. Personally I would rather work for what I earn, but my students and groups are all distracted by the financial crisis or a meeting or holidays or conferences in far off countries. So what can I do??

I checked the system today and I am about 3 weeks in the red with my boss - that means he has paid me for my normal hours but I have done 3 weeks less that I should have by this time of the year. Does that make sense? I have been paid 100% for doing 80% of the work... I am smiling but uncomfortable with that situation.

What else can I say? been walking everyday after work and enjoying the warm breezes and the warm sun on my back.

Obi - enjoying the 'joy' of a life that works - but still peeking behind him... waiting for the next big hiccup.

Step two

2009-04-17T23:43:00.004+02:00

So the updates are as follows...

The drivers license thing seems to have take an turn for the better with the intoroduction of a colleagues brother - ( A Driving Instructor ). SO a much cheaper, easier and quicker. it is amazing how much weight is off my shoulders from that one issue...

Cutting off loose end is a cathartic experience and I am glad I have the chance. It rare to be able to see into a situation that was so coloured by emotions and misconceptions with a clear unadulterated view. I have that chance and I am doing what I need for myself to move on - enigmatic sure but that is all I need it to be for now.

I really am looking forward to my holidays - I need the break and a perspective boost that being with my oldies will bring. Simply becasue they love me and I love them, but also it will remind me of aspects of myself I have disconnected from.

Almost as good as going home, but if you can't - bring it to you!!

There is always a way - Obi

April

2009-04-16T12:22:00.007+02:00

The 3 week countdown is here and I am looking forward to being annoyed by my mum and having my furniture and cupboards utterly rearranged by my dad. 6 weeks of it in fact.

In that six weeks I have to:

Find a new flat, something much cheaper than I have now, which won't be hard. It will just be further to go to school each day.
I must get my German drivers license. Which, the way the technical side of it goes, should also qualify me for the NASA shuttle piloting program. It will cost me 1500 euros to get everything I need for this.
I have to look around for a new job. I had an interview yesterday for a great company in Kiev but to be honest the utter lack of support sorta moving and visas etc outweighs the whole new horizon new adventure kick.
I had a lot of time to think over Easter and I am a few steps closer to being clear of this fog I have been in for almost a year. I am getting flashes and glimpses of what I want and perspectives I should have in my current situation, so that is progress. Perhaps until now I have had S.A.D. But the warm breezes and the bright sunshine have helped me along. Speaking of Sunshine I saw a photo taht reminded me about sunshines past. in fact it reminded me of the most glorious sunshine I was ever bathed in. Ah, that is facebook for you...
Language - seems my german is slipping, no surprising since my classes were cancelled a few months ago, but I seem to get by better and better as the days go on. Ironically I am finding the language Swedish a surprising hidden passion. I have a dear friend who inspired me to learn in the first place many years ago but I lost it because life got in the way. Now all these years later I have the connection back and the passion to learn it, to be honest I would rather speak Swedish than German... and of course my search fro Annika continues...
Spring has sprung and now I am looking at myself - I need to lose at least 20lbs and my diet should improve, but it takes a rare discipline to be bothered to cook gourmet meals for one. probably the reason I like to cook for others so often. Although I rarely get the chance...
Not much news from oz these days, people just aren't interested in keeping up. I can't say I blame them. It has been 3 years I have been away and it seems like I have had at least 2 life times in that period. It would be a difficult bridge to traverse. But looking to the future and not looking back is part of my newly forming manifesto.
Relationships and friends. Well I must say that is the disappointing thing about Germany, people are nice to your face but do not extend that hand of friendship. Sure I am a teacher and get along very well with all my students, most of my students are from 25 - 50 so you would assume a deep pool of possible friendships to dive into. Yes, you would assume that. But that is just not the way Germans are wired. Hence my trouble finding a German woman to date or explore a realtionship with. I have dated Americans, I have dated Russians and even Poles here in Germany, but the elusive key to the German womans psyche is just out of reach for me. I have a current odd but comfortable realtionship with a Russian woman I met, she is sweet and attentive and full of trouble, much like a woman I knew 10 years ago who we will call here - Joanna. For those that know me, know that situation was toxic. So I am looking and so is she but at the moment we are casual and conmfortable. Worried about a Dublin friend, but less so because I realised that ican do nothing to improve the situation, it is all in her hands. If anything from what I have seen and understood from my friends actions of late via discussion and observation etc. I have lost respect for this persons seeming lack of character and fortitude and life saavy which I had attributed to their wonderful nature. Perhaps It is a case of little fish out of the little pond and into the ferocious ocean, but still the point of make or break for each person is not in my hands. It is for them to discover for themselves. and for me to worry about a whole lot less...

All in all at the moment I have very little work, and getting paid my full wage - so I am winning here but I would rather earn what I get, classes just seem to be dropping off and people are blaming the financial crisis but I think it is more than just that.

Tho oddly, the boss has seen fit to hire another full time teacher when we, in my opinion have one too many. He has a plan but he tells no one anything at all so all I can do is laugh and go along for the ride.

OBI on the move...

Easter

2009-04-11T02:12:00.002+02:00

The plan for the next few daze is to get this place cleaned up and get my little ducks in a row. That simply means sweeping moping and scrubing and alike.

The rental agent wants to show someone thru this place already. sure i have a sweet location but they are almost pushing me out the door.
A setback was when the assistant to the landlady called me and informed me that I m unable to give notice until the end of a 12 month period and only then can I submit a 90 days. That sounds odd to everyone I have spoken to. A year contract is a year... 15 months is something different.
The drivers license I must get is from scratch - that means about 8 - 10 lessons and at least 500 euros, that is only for the practical test, the theoretical is also needed. I am just lucky I dont have to do it in German... a small blessing.

Now I have been driving for 20 years and they want me to do it all from scratch, and get new glasses and do a first aid course and get all documents like my current drivers license translated and also addition letter from the RTA to exactly specify when I got my license, the precise date... that translated too - it is 30 euro a shot for a translation.

Is my job really worth all this crap?? ...and on top of that my boss has given me until the end of May to have all this done, all at the same time my family is visiting me. Is life ever easy?

Temple Of Love

2009-04-07T20:18:00.002+02:00

A rare and wonderful video of Ofra Haza with the Sisters Of Mercy on TOTP. she was a remarkable voice and a tragic loss to us all - Read about her on Wikipedia...

Rubiconic - is the word of the day...

I was at the end of the pier today and as I blinked away the tears and the pier got longer. So the question was not. "Was I at the end of the pier, but "Did I want to walk further?..."

Life showed me the exit from Germany today and then Germany triple back sommersalted and confused the shit out of me and wordlessly asked me to stay...

What the hell am I supposed to do now with a decision I made to leave and committed to eventually feel comfortable about now that opportunities have changed.

Even being loved here is now a quizzical gouge...

Obi - Feeling so so fragile..

Just what the world needs

2009-04-04T21:58:00.001+02:00

FDA Approves Depressant Drug For The Annoyingly Cheerful

Disco-neckter

2009-03-21T13:34:00.005+01:00

The warm sun shines through my atrium. It reminds me on an atrium in Vancouver In knew a good 15 years ago, late spring and warm company. ...My how things change...
Do you ever stop and question the predication of your actions. The self evidence and the contradiction of the expectation of the stony bedrock we base our life on.
I am just wondering why, on a day so still bright and glorious, do I have to still fight tooth and nail for my entire right to exist? Why should I have to fight against ignorance to express and share the most simple of facts. Love, life, respect and acknowledgement.
A monstrously heavy thought I know. But again, and as usual, I face the day alone and have to battle this eternal question for myself...
Maybe I will get a revelation while I watch the inane spinning of my clothes in the local Laundromat. Around and around and... around.
I will take a walk today and feel the warm sun on my face and stroll slowly and every forward in the crowd of busy shoppers. Zusammen allein.

Sorting colours from whites - Obi

Sunny daze and reminders

2009-03-19T11:14:00.006+01:00

A glorious sunny day has touched my little city, the first sustained sun I have seen in 5 months. I have to admit I have discovered that I am not a person that can manage winter or snow for any length of time. I am a product of my origins: Australian, with that the expectation of warm weather and the ability to endure temperatures over 40c for a long period and to shrink and die in -30c.

Soon I have to put some serious thoughts into the clarity of action.

I have to hand in my severence of my flat lease. The minimum contract of one year will be up on the first of July, so I need to act quickly and get out. I thought it was a reasonable price to rent at when I didnt know, but if I cross over to the other side of town I can halve it. But do I want to move and have a contract again. So I need to find a month to month place...
Find a new place to be. I have been in Europe seeking the abstract that will not be uncovered, sure that is an abstract phrase to use here, but I don't have to explain everything to you, if you read regularly you would know what I mean. A kind friend has offered me a job in a eastern country, one with great promise and potential... but don't they all? This country has snow for at least 5 months a year - does that sound attractive?? - no.
I am feeling quite emotionally distracted at the moment, most of it worrying about a fragile little heart trying to find her way in the dark. You can't really help someone if they don't want it, but what do you do when they can' help themsleves and don't want your help? When you ask questions and get no answers it is natural that frustration builds, perhaps it is that I believe I can see a clear path back to some normality for her and she refuses to budge from the position and self destructive self loathing. Any suggestions folks, because I am at a loss.
A kind friend who is leaving our little corner of the universe is quite wise for his age. He keeps telling me my biggest fault is that I am too generous and too kind and that I get walked all over whenever I help someone. Hence my phrase - "No good deed goes unpunished". I really don't know what to do about that - I shouldn't have to rip the best parts of me away and be as selfish and self serving as many of the people around me. Should I?
I am finding painfully that the new teacher is quite the vampire, a leech of sorts. I am just exhausted by her company and constant harping and complaining on some very specific topics. As a person I would have to say she plays the victim card throughout every aspect of her life. Sure she has had some rough times, haven't we all, we define ourselves by how we overcome adversity, but she is like a broken record! The worst part is that she has clamped on to me like a child lost at a carnival. She is so draining.

I have to get active - and no amount of coffee can help me. I need some other trigger...

Obi - itchy trigger finger....

Dil Laa liya be-parwa de naal Dil Laa liya be-parwa de naal

Butterflies & Repeating Patterns

2009-03-15T15:42:00.005+01:00

If you are able to pay close enough attention to your life, chunks segments and stray situations will repeat themselves again. Sure they are not indentical to the first time around otherwise this would be a commonly known fact. Perhaps it is and I am a mental recluse - who knows dear reader... who knows...

Some of you may know but I generally like to avoid the media, not papparazzi. I mean CNN and newspapers and radio. Anyone who has been sufficently detoxed from that mindnumbing drug of the masses will tell you (as I will) that it is an INSTANT downer to turn on the radio and listen to the horrors and grief and sadness in other lands you have never been to or city names you have rarely heard. Sure it is dreadful and suffering is deplorable. But weighing down my own head with things so saddening and abstract does not help me become a better person or positively affect the lives of those I love around me. Sometimes it is the small picture and not the big...

Butterflies to most of us as a symbol represent joy and freedom. Today I want to write quite a bit on this topic but the person I am thinking of sometimes reads this and I have lost a friend of 2 in my time from being honest here. So I will hold this topic unhappily to myself.

TOPIC CHANGE -

I need to make a move soon. I have noticed that I am uncomfortable in a comfort zone. It's ironic isnt it! For as long as I can recall I deemed in neccessary to push my self hard outside any comfort zone because I believed I had so much to learn and replace within myself. Well the lady Fortuna has taken a special interest in me it seems and spun me around her finger so tight that I will snap soon.

I need to make a move soon. I must change my mind-set and think about where next I want to go. Germany to date has been an abissmal disappointment or a scale and grandeur I cannot convey here in words. I need to leave this town and find another place to be. But I am short of a few essential elements.

Money - I don't get paid enough to live anything further than a few weeks at a time - pay check to pay check is all i have and fi I was happy within myself and had someone I could be satisfied. gaining wealth has never been a priority for me.

Reserves - A fact that most of you are aware of I have shifted countries a lot in the past 3 years and that takes a lot out of you to do. Not only do you have to tune your ear and tackle a new language culture ans social structure you have to be totally and utterly alone again in the beginning - isolated until you get up to speed.

Energy - I am quickly discovering that my failing health will not see me in good stead for such an undertaking in the near future. I think my health is failing becasue my body and subconcious know that my main drive to be here in Europe is a wash out and I have failed myself and others in my quest.

So what do you do when you need to do something but have neither the money, reserves nor the energy? How is it you declare defeat? Signed forms in triplicated stamped and authorised wit ha receipt mailed to you within 7 days?

Last words for today - I am really missing someone a lot and can't cope with the ache I have in my heart.

Roll on grey sunday - Obi

Chemistry

2009-03-13T17:51:00.004+01:00

The week has come and gone but I still seem to be vividly connected to the memories of last weekend. The location didn't matter, nor if I ate or slept. I had that rarified opportunity to share some time with a very special person.

What is chemistry? The attraction between 2 people. What are the ties that bind? I dunno. All I know is that in her company the rest of the world melted away and time stopped for me. I consider myself quite lucky.

I have been in contact with my dear friend this week and she has begun some changes in her life, firstly her hair colour, I am told it is blonde now and platinum leaps to mind and I hope I am mistaken., (I WAS - she was joking!!) The second a short holiday with family, which I think is a great idea.

My own parents are coming to town in 7 weeks for a stay of 6. I hope I can manage without popping a gasket.

I am really bouyant this week, it is amaaazing what a cuddle from the right person can do.

So this weekend I will learn the German Road Rules and study for my license change over. A beer with a co worker tonight and a relaxing weekend with my brain organisation time... :)

wish Obi luck kiddies!

MARCH - can you believe it??

2009-03-11T10:59:00.004+01:00

Greetings to the stray vagrants that whirl past my page and read this.

Blogging is a cathartic experience but writer block is its enemy. When you are so mixed up inside and emotions obscure the clarity of the moment then it is difficult to vomit out onto the keyboard all the thoughts and ideas that come to mind.

I have been trapped in my own head for a long time and certainly not happy about it. Tho I did get a rare fresh breeze though my mind last weekend. I went to Dublin to see a dear friend I was very worried about.

Stray comments and unfinished ideas and are always filled in by the Swiss cheese effect, and I was extremely disturbed by the news I was getting from her.

After 3 days of talking, listening and tears, mostly from me, we came to an understanding and a realisation. It is amazing how much weight has been lifted from my heart and now I can at least reach for some of the vague shadows that are the ideas and plans I need to make.

I am still quite worried about my dear friend, I wish I could rescue her like knights of old, and slay the dragons and depression and uncertainty for her, but as anyone who has been depressed knows. The only person who can decide to change is the depressed person, and sometimes that is a slow process.

Obi is ready for Spring

Then and Now

2009-01-20T01:37:00.001+01:00

RIP Ofra Haza...

Remembering lost love

2009-01-20T00:58:00.002+01:00

The New Year

2009-01-11T02:20:00.004+01:00

Greetings
Welcome to my blog. If you are new, which is likely, then I must explain a few things about me...
1. I am an English teacher, far from his native land.
2. Germany, as I thought was the pinnacle on my budding career as a teacher. It's not.
3. I have to make exit plans to escape this small city and perhaps even the country.
4. I have made a lot of bad decisions lately and I am paying for them. But the new year will change that.
5. I really need a vacation!
6. ...and as part of my new year's resolution, I shall endeavour to make my posts less maudlin and miserable than the 2008 version!

So who am I?

... I am Obi Won Kenardly! - Keep reading!

Number 1

2008-12-20T22:59:00.001+01:00

I Do Not Pursue Happiness. Happiness Pursues Me

Damn lucky I am a fast runner!

Hmmm Christmas Cheer - as near as I can get

2008-12-20T15:16:00.003+01:00

Many hands make light work.... hmmmmm

It hasn't happened yet...

2008-12-07T20:52:00.000+01:00

November's End Is Nigh

2008-11-27T10:50:00.006+01:00

Well I had tricked myself I think - seems November this year was the month for chaos. Too much to tell you now. But suffice it to say, I am looking forward to Christmas and the peace and solitude it will bring.
Work is winding down a lot now, as deadlines approach for my students in their companies and budgets dwindle for English Lessons, I am left with more and more time off. it is okay I am getting paid for it, I was way over this month on overtime, it will all balance out.
A work friend from Moscow died in a car accident, I beautiful vibrant girl with so much life ahead of her.
Another friend found me on Facebook after 22 years and it has been great to chat with him. I look forward to more chats in the New Year. It Still amazes me how much life changes us all.
Another dear friend from decades past has started writing to me again, of course now in this decade we chat online, no more paper and pens, tho I do miss that sometimes. But since beginning our chats we have really started to remember why we were friends, she is an inspiration to me.
The snow is falling rather pathetically and the temperature is hovering around zero. I did lock myself out of my house last Friday and could get no help to get back in. My only neighbours were away and all calls to people I know here fell on either deaf ears or useless hands. So the evening ended up with me seeing in a company car - turning the heater on hourly as I watched the first snow fall at -4c. at 8.30 the next morning and found a locksmith and persuaded him to come look at the lock and he jimmied it in 20 seconds. That is the fastest way to earn 40 euro I have ever seen.
During the night as I sit and stared at the clock on the part I had a lot of time to think about how i perceive my reality. I thought I had more friends; I often go out of my way for people and do things for them. But of course this is rarely reciprocated. I wanted to help the office with is work processes and I have to almost fight with them to see that I only want to give my time - FREE - to help update procedures with spreadsheets and other structural changes suggestions. I won't fight any longer. I will save my time for my own business when I get one. Enough for now. Obi has a whole day to decompress from a huge drama from last night...

Obi says - Russian women are just not worth the trouble...

October's End Is Nigh...

2008-10-26T21:30:00.004+01:00

Never been a good month for me and that fact always reaffirms itself.
The weather has changed and the rainy days are becoming more frequent. That is okay I have a great raincoat and need to buy a new umbrella... 2 Euros, who can go wrong.
Today I helped a friend and her boyfriend paint her new flat. I must admit I was not relishing the idea of a roller and white paint, but I committed to it and so I went. We spent about 3 hours 2 coats of paint and finally the hideous bright yellow underneath was 99% gone.
I walked home with a sense of achievement and a friend helped. Anything to take my mind of the rolls and tumbles or R'October.
1. Good news was mum and dad were coming to visit. That was cancelled much to my disappointment
2. The promise of an airfare came as a replacement idea and that was squashed by the already fully booked airlines and the ones that could take me wanted more than 4000 euro return, I said no. I was flattered by the idea that my family wanted to see me but I cannot justify ripping 4000 Euros out of their pocket and considering the exchange rate - I am glad I didn't.
3. Met a girl and fell madly in (something??!) but played it really cool. She then flipped out for other reasons in her life and threw the baby out with the bath water - me. So I was quite crushed by that sad even. The worst thing is I work with her and now I have to look at her and speak to her nearly every day. and of course the cutting cliché that stupid non emotionally mature women come out with was said... "Can’t we just be friends?" well I am not interested in another relegation to second place and metaphorical castration... no thanks. So I said no.
4. The schedule at work as been utterly chaotic and from the extreme - I can't get work in the first half of the week and at the end of the week they wanna load me up to a stupid 13 hour day. - In fact a few of them. That plus a long list of "What shits me about working for this company is...", and I got fed up and was so close to quitting that my colleagues actually told me to go home and be sick for a few days. I called the boss and arranged a meeting and spilled it all in no poetic language. You see, the thing is that the 2 other main pillars of the teaching staff will be exiting very hastily. I am not the only one with a long list of complaints, coincidently I googled my company name and my bosses names and lo and behold, internet forums going back to before 2004 from teachers that had worked for my company and had the SAME complaints as I do... I am sure many of you are thinking I am harping on or exaggerating, but evidence suggests otherwise. I rang the competition and will likely have a new employer in the city next year.
5. German friends... it is an oxymoron. Yes I will say that I have some great friends in Erfurt, but they are hundreds of kilometres away. The locals here, I cannot say in the time I have been here in Germany I have made any more. Germans are impossible to get close to. All the people I am close to or know are NOT German. What books can I read or advice can I take that will help me change this situation, I am sick of staring out the window on the weekends... Yo Germans -prove me wrong.
6. I was soo angry and boredt he other day, Friday night, that I assessed all my classes and planned for every class one month ahead, now if you are a teacher, you will know how much work that is. I had time. I had far too much time.

The plan is simple - last long enough to get out of my ironclad apartment lease. Plan to go back to Poland for a better quality of life.

One day at a time - Obi...

October

2008-10-15T11:43:00.005+02:00

October is shaping up to be the usual - Bad

1. Rumblings at the company have made one admin girl quit on the spot and this follows the summary dismissal of another 2 weeks before.

2. My boss sent me an email quizzing me about my classes, some rumblings are happening there too, none to my knowledge.

3. Someone very important to me is going through a serious crisis that I can't help with, I feel as if my hands have been up off, there is nothing I can do and my heart is sad. All I can do is wait and watch and see what will happen. Likely her mother will die very soon. I just hope that does not drive her away from me...

4. I have finally figured out what has upset my dear friend is Australia that has cut the communications between us. I am surpirsed and now I will have to consider this and review what I had written about this and see where it is for myself... He feels himself slighted by something I said. I will start reading now...

Obi is re reading...

Friday night sniffles

2008-10-10T18:19:00.005+02:00

Well an email came yesterday from my boss and I was asked what was happening with my classes. it seems a few in a row have made a complaint, though I don't know how. No e-mails or direct communications have been made to my boss yet he knows... I was quite distracted by these people's conplains and in the environment of the following story I was in a state of being strung out and feeling alone. I replied to my bosses email as well as I could and I thankfully got a reply tonight that reassures me a little about what is happening and his views on things.

-----------------
I emailed me and asked what was happening and with the mood of the moment, someone close to me had her mother rushed to intensive care and is now on a respirator.

This persons feelings are very important to me and I have not been able to connect with her other than some vague smses filled with fear sadness and worry. All I can do is wait. I would really like to just hug her as she cries, which is a lot lately, but can do nothing except sit on the sidelines. ...and after being in her spotlight, I am utterly bedazzled and left a little alone and aching for her company.

But what can I do. I cannot make demands and I can do nothing but wait for her to come back around. But it is really painful to know she is in such distress and I can do nothing to support. My only consolation is that the best people to support and care for her are the rest of her family whom she is with now anyway... That thought I can manage, but it is still cold outside.

I have my cold medication and some paracetemol and they will be my company tonight. Sleep well folks, I will try and do the same. Obi-sniffsniff...

10 'Weaks' Til Christmas

2008-10-06T23:00:00.008+02:00

First day back and I had a nice easy start, though I must say that I am still quite absent in many respects.

Being asked to give examples and contrast past perfect continuous and present prefect continuous was a tall order and although I did it, I didn't do it to any satisfaction, besides it wasn't the classes topic for that evening anyway...

I asked a student in the class tonight to give me a definition of what courageous was - he said and I quote - "...its like when I call you and asshole to your face.", and he meant it. He was the only one of the class that had the dictionary malfunction that actually turned up - so outta 6 students 1student came.

I really wonder why I am a teacher sometimes. The professional I am, I was not hurt that I had been kicked to the curb by this obtuse class, I knew it was just the one student who instigated this.

Another anomaly to me is the attentions of a girl whom I encountered a month ago in town. She knew I went away and now that I am back from the UK seems to be all the more interested in me... Women perplex me...

What else can I tell you? I have no idea... I am tired and jaded but refreshed - does that make any sense to anyone?

Off to bed - Obi

Let forever be

2008-10-05T15:13:00.005+02:00

I have not written here for a long time and it seems like months have past. I have just returned from a holiday in England, I spent a lot of time in contemplation and read Philosophy and in small coffee shops and talking briefly with random people (because I could, it’s a rare occasion I can just chat off the cuff with people as I don't speak German and few speak English well enough for a random chat, but Germans as I discovered are not really into the random chatter thing anyway.)

My holiday asked more questions than it answered, but I was grateful for the quiet mind it gave me. For structure I turned to a book I have read many time and recommend to anyone.
The life's works of Plato, Aristotle, Seneca and Epicurus summaries and updated for a modern reader that doesn’t want to be bogged down by the Latin translations and 17th century English. It is just a great read that flows and gets you thinking.
Having said that, I took comfort in realising that many a great mind over the past 2000 years has had difficulty with coming to terms with the tangible and abstract and the folly of balancing them. I don't mean to imply hear that I am great thinking, I am by no means more or less than the norm in this human condition.
The time away offered me time to look at things literally from a distance and assess my place in the life I have created. The answers are not in yet but they are sifting through my subconscious.
Tomorrow a new day at work and 10 weeks til Christmas by my school calendar.
One of the things now on my list is to do a CELTA certificate in the early New Year. This of course will increase my options as a native speaker English teacher, but how much longer will I take this career path? I can’t be sure. But the answers are coming to me...
Obi - over and out

2008-09-17T02:49:00.001+02:00

Song lyrics | This Is The Life lyrics

Mundane Monday

2008-09-08T20:58:00.002+02:00

Hello all, (all one of you - my readership has dropped drastically)

A rather boring weekend, spradically interrupted by sun showers. But I was often too preoccupied to notice. The week that was saw me stumbling and falling forward into the weekend where I went to work anyway on saturday and didn't need to. I did some paperwork and write a fab spreadsheet that is linked to about 9 pages and cross calculates.

I hope when my boss swings by he can take the time to look at things and make some decisions.

Hugs to all

Obi is beering and watching BBC TV

Tuesday come and gone

2008-09-02T22:33:00.002+02:00

A short and all too short meeting - (you thought I was going to say sweet).

I was there for 80% of it - some git schedules me for a class. So I missed the end, but the offer for DOS was in the meeting and I can certainly see that as a career option.

I would like to consider it but I have no german skills as yet and so I have to pass - ADOS is still an option - "twice the work and half the reward" sounds good!

So - there you have it!

undewhelmed and onto Tuesday...

Pretty girls and sore necks... obi

Overkill

2008-08-30T23:35:00.006+02:00

This video is a classic and I found myself humming this tune today and it has just come to me.
I have walked around St. Kilda - where this video is shot, to all the places he goes in this video and the crack of dawn and seen the sun rise over the pier...
A nice memory...

Lyrics

Obi-kill... :)

Tuesday

2008-08-29T21:25:00.003+02:00

Well Tuesday is coming just like any other tuesday in between Monday and Wednesday, but this one is special.
Special coz we are having a teachers meeting about the direction of the school. I have expressed my points eloquently in a 3 page summary recommendation.
Each problem addressed by a possible solution. I think that is fair - no point ganging up on the boss. He will just clam up and nothing will be achieved.
The problem is that my boss couldn't find a good teacher to save his life. He pays peanuts and is never around - now considering he has 50 teachers in 3 locations and hundreds of students - you would think he is better organised. He is making money... so why aren't I seeing more...

Been offered a job in Kiev through a trusted friend. It is very very tempting.

so so sooo tired...

Obi

I'm still thinking 'bout all the things she never said...

2008-08-25T23:56:00.003+02:00

I always think about the blurred crusade...

aaaaaaaah...
...back to earth.

Well Monday started like the bitch she is and killed the battery in the company car - so I had to pay 20 Euros in taxi's to get to my classes. Which of course is more money than i make in those classes - so for the week I am faaaar behind - F&*%#&ka^*%R&n IT!

Watching 1980's Oz on the You tube... Obi -ng a fucking angry munchkin!

Sunday Night

2008-08-24T22:27:00.002+02:00

A hibernating weekend for me, I stayed in my flat all weekend and I am happy for the solitude.
I have been working on my list of things to do. I hope I can get some of that started on Monday.

Obi

Smooth Slide

2008-08-23T22:17:00.004+02:00

The week that was has been really good, I felt like a normal person and was justifiably fatigued at the end of the week instead of everyday as I had been with the virus I had. Seems the darn thing has gone through the entire office too, many of the admin staff has been off sick too.
I was looking online aimlessly as I usually do (don't we all) and I found jobs in Italy. Now I took Italian at school and I hated it, I have Italian friends and I love em, I have never been to Ital so I think next spring l'll take a train and explore for myself for a week. You never know, maybe Tuscany will be a great place for me to experience - there are jobs there too!
I have to confess to all now - I am a misery guts and it has been so long that I have been under this damp blanket that I honestly can't recall how to be really joyously happy and care free... Not even summer this year - tho tumultuous as it was moving from one country to another could make me happy.
So now Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury - I will undertake to examine the evidence and the root cause of this malaise and attempt to remember how to turn this frown upside down... Won’t be easy or quick but I will begin it seriously.
The jury is out - Obi

Smooth Tuesday

2008-08-19T21:56:00.003+02:00

Well a smooth tuesday and a good nights sleep helped me. the break in the middle of the day is usually hated by most teachers, it means you day is not your own, but today I didn't mind so much.

I felt okay and made sure I had time to focus and did a lot of planning and I am all set for most of tomorrow.

I will shower and sleep soon...

I heard from my Polish princess today. Al the way from across the seas. not a good chat really, I do feel uncomfortable that other people can read her skype etc, so I am unsure what I can say or when, so she contacts me.

I heard from a dear friend with some kind words which I read and kept with me all day. Worked well.

Also heard that I can avoid the german drivers license by getting an English one and then using it in Europe... much better and no test required. I may even use it as an excuse to go to England for a week and have some fish and chips. I don't have any friends there, well a weirdo teacher I used to know, he is good value at a party but dangerous to be around. The other is an old flame and I am sure if I came within 500 metres of her or contacted her while I was there it would freak her out, so I won't. Pity really, I miss her and it would be great to catch up on her year.

I could visit a friend near Bristol but she is having severe relationship problems and so to avoid the flak I would just stay away.

Ah the myriad of choices I have! Oxford - here I come...

Tonight I am listening to some Youtube Powderfinger and it is soothing my mind.

I rewarded myself with Dinenr out in the Italian restaurant under my apartment, I am on the fifth floor by the way, the roof, and I have a marvelous vista...

Thanking God for the little things... Obi

Status Update

2008-08-17T21:52:00.006+02:00

For all those that need to be filled in on the Obi story so far...

Obi lives in a very expensive town called K-town.

Obi's work life balance is way off and needs to get some balance. But he doubts he ever knew how to do that.
Obi is broke and going backwards. September is coming and his 6 month review will be happening. (well in fact it won't happen unless I make a time to speak to the boss, his care factor s really low.)
Obi's health is out of control, his infections and viruses and fevers and constant fatigue and high blood pressure and poor short term memory and disorientation... the list goes on.
He is also losing interest in his job and, tho not depressed by any means, it showing signs of wear and tear...

Solutions:

Obi Will examine his work life balance and find what he wants and was he finds rewarding in his spare time.
Obi will, in one month see how things look financially and then act on his 'Plan B' that is already in motion... (coz everyone hasta have a Plan B!)
Health - well there is a difficult subject, he will attempt to balance sleep and stress and food to their optimal levels. (That means going to bed straight after this post.)
It isn't really the job, it is the conditions that he finds himself in. Missing books and course materials, insufficent information about courses. Poor communication with management co-teachers and staff.

The new teacher leaving in a whirlwind of dust has affected Obi too. For many reasons that he won't discuss he is really disappointed with himself. His health is a factor here and he is now resolved to force change!

His car now has to go and trying to find someone to help him is really difficult, people at work are stressed and getting most Germans to help you is just a running joke! This is also part of the reason he has started a moratorium on buying furniture.

This sure as shit isn't Kansas Toto! - Obi

2008-08-16T13:54:00.001+02:00

infections fevers and viruses and fatigue

2008-08-15T20:35:00.001+02:00

Taking Stock

2008-08-10T16:54:00.007+02:00

Sunday and the city is quieter than usual. There was a big fireworks festival on the Rhine last night and the entire region gathered for the spectacle. I was invited by sms and call to many a place and party along the Rhine but I refused all invitations politely. The spectacle of fireworks on me in the frame of mind I am in would have a distracting and opposite effect. I stayed in bed most of Saturday and moved only to open a can of soup which I heat and ate absently. I was washed clean of all things but Friday's utter debacle. I am exhausted on so many levels.

My readership has changed too I have noticed, unlikely for the better. fewer and fewer comments on my page and I understand why. To speak of life in joyous terms you must have one... and I, my biggest flaw being my generosity, have given all but my breath away. I am washed clean of any further giving. This week coming I must dispose of my car as it is too expensive to repair. I must do a great many things that do not feed me and my energy wanes.

A small mistake last week was taken out of proportion and allowed to run amok on the life of someone I care about deeply. though the shouting I sensed through the brief email forced me to look at another aspect of my connection to that special person. It is fading and waning and dying. There is no time or opportunity to water it and feed it and expose it to the sunlight and warm winds. There is no time for any care or maintenance at all and so things untended die.

Curiously I have another friend in Australia that has stopped speaking to me altogether, without warning and without incident. This effect cascaded and continued and 2 others, completely unconnected have fallen off the world. No sms or email and message has changed this and I suspect I must change my deodorant or something about me to stop this from happening. But what and how?

My work is becoming quite intolerable in the consumption of my life and time, recently I had a thought that seems foreign and odd and the surprise came with I discovered it was my own, independent of any teaching and or employment. It has been such a long time since I was me, and even the warm summer sunshine cannot relax me and allow me to weep at the loss of me. It is less and less often now that I'm moved to write here and I know that there is an end to all things, but this blog is the only thing that connects me to some people out there and I will not falter.

So here is where my post ends... still tired, still drained, still... Obi the unconscious constant

Missing An English Perspective

2008-08-07T22:16:00.004+02:00

There is a certain girl I knew whose perspective on things and creative reality I miss today. Well, lets be honest now, I miss it every day since I met her and she walked out of my life like a staged queue of a scene in a play... Very Audrey Hepburn...

Makes no difference what I say now, opportunities lost and memories lanes never trod and all that...

lyrics come to mind....

You're not the first to think that everything has been thought before

I spoke to an echo and he said 'I’m not satisfied, I want something more

cos I am bored with three dimensions

I’m in love with three dimensions and if I listen to the seconds

reminds me of echolalia

But tonight I think of a song that spins in my head like the beer and thoughts of the stressful day tomorrow. I have to teach a first class of a group I will have all year so first impressions count.... aaaaand the book I am supposed to use has vanished and I cannot find it. This if becoming fucking hopeless and I am really annoyed with a company that can't control teachers that have school books and take them home and are too apathetic to bring them back.

The new teacher (miss - "I have a huge chip on my shoulder and expect everything") has not been scene for days, had (fake) food poisoning and missed a whole day of work that was offset to the rest of us. THEN smsed me and asked me for a book from school and expected me to drop what I was doing and hand delivery it to her (sick bed) lazy ass...

She is a pathetic excuse for a human. I reallly hope she leaves soon.

Friday tomorrow and I feel so weird coz I had a day in hospital for the endoscopy.

Obi really out of sync.

PS - thanks to my Dad for sitting down and typing out an email to me, it has been a while and I was in shock and grateful to recieve its wisdom.

The End Of Things

2008-08-05T18:04:00.002+02:00

Well today I was in the hospital again. A final visit to remove the stint from my kidney, now the plug is removed and the stone shattered enough to come out... lots of water.

I am fed up and need a holiday. I don't think I have ever had the mechanism to 'know' when the right time is to organised my holidays, or to take the pressure off myself... and generally I suffer for it.

I need to figure out a way to save face and recover from this huge trip and heal from my procedure nad kidney stones and annoying coteachers and crazy schedules and the heaping loads of 'unexpected' that I have to eat everyday.

One day at a time.. Raw Obison...

Frustrated

2008-08-04T01:04:00.004+02:00

I have had enough of that American Teacher, and I am not even going into it.

I have had enough of the crap I have had to go through with my kidney.

I have had enough of working 6 days a week for 4 months

I have had enough of not even having a chair to sit on at home other than a desk chair.

I have had enough of being ignored by friends in Erfurt, who were the main reasosn I actually came here.

I have had enough of working my guts out with my contract stating I get paid OT only every 6 months.

I have had enough of the over complicated work processes and a disorganised company.

I have had enough not having enough money to buy the things I need and dealing with banks and problems in a coutntry I am not even in (Australia)

I have had enough of shifting and changing schedules and time tables on a daily basis.

You see Ladies and Gentlemen, I have in fact had enough... now I get shitty and organised and make some changes...

Disappointments

2008-07-27T03:53:00.003+02:00

Howdeee Folks!

What an odd life I have. I am cut up about an unexpected expectation... quite.
I can't say why but it just affected me and I am shitty about it.

Tell me what you think...

I was told to pick up the new teacher from the train station on Friday (in my time off), which I did eventually and I did well with a warm greeting and carried her bags and took her to her new home and then as she waved goodbye I said, call me at 8pm if you are awake and want to see the city. She didn't call and I expected she would be tired. so I let that go.

It was also agreed to meet up at 12 on saturday so I could take her to a few shops to get her the things she needs and show her the school... no call either. Now I started to get worried because she was 36 hours without sleep and laughed at everything. She understood me alright but I was worried she had freaked out and jumped ship - of course i would be blamed for that.

On Sunday evening I walked to her house and rang her buzzer and no answer, a short chat with the senior teacher and I washed my hands of the situation.

Time check 10pm - my phone rings and it is her asking for directions to the school and what to do, she recounted her weekend and that she had met up with some people and hung out with them all weekend and had a nasty hangover on sunday - all of which I suspect was her excuse not to call me. The nervous giggle that I find far too many armericans have and she tries to charm me. I was having none of that, so I referred her to speak to a co teacher that lives in the building with her and to get instructions on how to walk the 6 blocks to work. (quite an odd path and impossible to describe). I gave her the info - 10am appointment senior teacher and that was it.

Now please tell me, Am I wrong to be a little pissed off? Am I wrong to have already wiped her from the "be nice to these people" list? Well either way I have. she can be other peoples buddies and chums. For a person I was willing to offer the standard coworker friendship to, she now ain't getting it...

Any comments anyone?/ was I right to wrong? Obi

Half Daze Off

2008-07-23T17:12:00.006+02:00

Heya Folks and welcome to another exciting.... yadda yadda yadda...

So a half day off has really lifted the pressure off, didnt realise there was that much on, but I have spent the day chatting and fiddling with a spreadsheet for wages and hours and class time tables for the school a side project and I am happy to fiddle and offer a better option than the current catastrophy they current burden us with...

Music is quite cathartic and I have been belting out the tunes and enjoying the sing along. The weather started today miserably and is now quite sunny. Tomorrow is supposed to be over 30 but I really doubt it, I think more 26.

I have to take my Polish care for a German roadworthy and thaaaaat won't be good. On top of that the battery died and I have to get it the 3 km to the mechanic tomorrow. So it will cost all up a few hundred Euros to replace the side mirror and get it up to scratch - that is life...

What else can I tell you about... been thinking about a few freiends dotted around the place and I must congratulate one for the good news - his wife will have a baby in January! Good genes as I said...

I have some friends dotted around the UK too and I send out a hellp to the madn hope all is going well. some i haven't heard from in many a week...

I am tossing up the option of England or Sweden now for a holiday in a month...

Please gimme the pros and cons...

What else? Well I have a lot of unending paperwork and this will never end. So i better get started into it...

Obi

Six Underground

2008-07-22T23:48:00.002+02:00

So today was an odd day - the car battery died at IKEA and I was helped by a nice lady to jump my car - but I need a mechanic.
Had a nice day with my friends Marcy and Chris. Had a nice meal and chats with them and then tonight after work a few drinks and a relaax...
lots of class cancellations this week and I am glad for it to be honest - I have worked hard for months now and that is enough of the 6 daze a week crap...
I didn't get anything at IKEA because I wanted free delivery and they don't do it - its complicated...
So tomorrow I will go if my car works and actually buy the furniture...
Here is some music I am listening to tonight... join me...

and this...

feeling sick and beautiful and elegantly wasted - Obi

Saturday night

2008-07-19T23:12:00.005+02:00

Hey hey - saturday night is here and I have spent the day teaching and the night stocking my cupboards, fortifying again the poverty of next week!

It is always the case - the week before payday is always poor and I am no exception. I have a beer and some bread and the essentials for life so I am okay.

As Monty Python says - "Always look on the briiiiight side of life..."

So here is the current situation -

Problem - over worked - Solution new teacher next Friday!
Problem - Exhausted - Solution heading to bed anytime earlier than 10pm. They say an hour before midnight is like 2 after midnight.
Money for food, I have worked out a deal with a local student who works in a restaurant and now I can eat there once a day.... tho italian food everyday isn't so fantastic.
Problem - No extra moeny - Solution - advertising for students locally and I have some good leads! extra caaaash!
Problem - no furniture - solution - lost my IKEA catalogue! haha - not orthodox but stil a solution...

My doctor went on holiday and so no therpay of exrays to see how the treatment is going... then a week passed and the doctor came back and I am now up to date with my stone and it seems only 15% of the stone is shattered so I must continue therapy, Problem is that the Machine at the local hospital is broke nadn ai have no way of checking if or when it will be working again, So next week I ask the school to call for me and I find out when I can go for therpay again. It seems after 2 montsh that only 15% of the stone has been tunred to sand ( the acceptable size to be passed... so - they have some damn fast catching up to do! Still in lots of bend over harsh pain but ya know - pain is now my constant companion and there for - my truest friend right now... how saaaaaaad is that?? Some sunshine would be nice but that will never happen...

My life is hilarious, gimme a sailors cap and call me Gilligan!! - Obi

I am alive

2008-07-12T02:04:00.007+02:00

I went to the local college today on invite and I had a ball. The band was good and I met nice students and got to know current students and their boyfirends better, I did well and I realised when was walking home the few kilometres, that this song was pacing though my head...

Maybe you get what I am feeling tonight... maybe not.

My motto for a long time has been thing - or this is a part... I digress ladies and gentlemen...

"We shall be drunk on stars, we shall fear nothing.
Demand the impossible and dream your destiny.
Defy the logic of alphabet. I had slay the king of woe...
and nothing is impossible..."

Obi - grins are grins wherever you find them...

The Summer Is Free

2008-07-09T22:23:00.004+02:00

The summer is free and that is about all that is , being robbed by my previous boss for about 1600 Euros I am quite poor. So much so that I am actually going backwards in the first months due to set up costs rather than being able to just breaking even.

On top of all that July is here and a cavalcade of teachers have pissed off on holidays and so I have been dumped with 9 new classes in one week alone. I am working over 40 horus a week and expected to keep up the quality, but being the new guy I have to show that I can carry the load even if that load is heavier than ANYONE should bear. ( and OT is only paid every 6 months! )

Problems with car re-registration and UNI communications in Australia, it is all just tooooo much to manage ladies and gentlemen. I will just have to go day by day and little victory by little victory.

I have kept the weight off from the stint in the hospital but I think that is due to picking the cheap option about eating instead of the right option.

I have an air bed a tiny table and a chair in the place. The fridge is empty as always and I am thinking about breakfast and it is is only 10pm...

It has been nice to hear from friends far and wide and it keeps my chin up. I have said goodbye and closed a few doors recently as well and I am quite okay with that, as my last post says it all...

What else?

I heard gray and gaunt and tears where this years 'new black'... Obi

The end of things...

2008-07-03T20:35:00.003+02:00

simple but accurate

2008-07-02T21:18:00.001+02:00

WTF

2008-06-26T20:49:00.003+02:00

The Update

2008-06-24T14:36:00.004+02:00

Well I don't have much energy to write this but here goes...

Back at work and a full schedule is in each day - YAY - (not really)
I have my flat at the end of the week and gas and electricty to organise. (blah)
Friendships in question, a matter of facing facts or simple house keeping... we will see...
Money is too tight to mention - (yeah like the song)
Illness management through force of will - forcing doctors to do as I say. I am now an out patient and being treated tomorrow
Payday is Friday - (Triple YAY)
I have a bank account and all my papers sorted with visas and such
Still quite weak and the doctor gave me this week off but I refused. there is too much to do and I was quite worried about one student that didn't like any other teacher but me, she is due to do an exam this weekend and no word from her to school or me...
What else? Worried about friends and relationships, decades down the drain if they don't manage it well enough. But hey, it may actually be time....
I still can't get back to focusing on school work and preperation - just don't have a clear mind yet.

So there it is kids

drop me a few lines and tell me you are alive... Obi

2008-06-18T23:02:00.002+02:00

Saturday 9.22pm
Day 5 in hospital and so much hurry up and wait has been on the menu, speaking of the menu, the first 3 days they didn’t feed me or give me water because of all the x-rays and procedures and alike. All I really know for sure is that the German medical reality is simply this: One thing per day. I can see that much of what I have and had done over the past 5 daze could have been done in 2, but it is, as I suspect a sure way to drain the insurance company of money, cynical or accurate?
I have been sharing a room with 2 other old men, one has come, gone and been replaced and all have had serious surgery, bags hanging from sticks and bags filled with blood going in and coming out have been my visual delight for the past 5 days. Another highlight is the priviledged sight I have had while eating my meals the last few days, the 80 year old next to me is still wearing an operating gown and he faces away from me when he sits up to eat and all I can see, and which turns me off my food, in an 80 year old bare back and ass, who needs Jenny Craig?
Having to sit in bed all day, being woken at 6.30 by boistrous nurses lacking any calm skills of grace and being poked and prodded and then having my bed changed daily. The sitting without speak and waiting for the next tidbit of info or procedure is the real draining influence.
My head spins with a frenetic whirl of things I should and could be doing, namely work, but more to the point, organising bank accounts and getting gas and electricity connected, worrying about my car left unattended for the better half of a week in a more than unsavoury suburb. Thinking about money and time and things left undone and all the extra work that everyone I work with has had to do, already stretched beyond their limits.
I fret about the the students I have and the course material in my laptop and not in their folders on the shelves at work to make it easier for my colleagues to just take the classes and keep them on track.
On top of all this I feel far too much the pain of loneliness. All self inflicted but nonetheless agonising. Why do I keep finding myself alone and in dire situations, like being couped up in a room and harrassed by nurses with the finese of truckdrivers. Why am I alone?
I have asked, pleaded and almost begged my new colleagues and the closest people to friends I have to help me, and aside from a phone call from one to ask me about school stuff and the broken promise of a visit from another, and still another ‘close friend’, whom I have known for 20 years who lives in a city a few hundred kilometres from here, she smsed me and asked if I had fallen off the earth. I, with the very very little credit I have left on my phone (and no way to replace it in hospital), smsed her and told her I have been in hospital and feeling depressed and lonely and a lot of pain, her sms reply was to say “poor boy” and completely dismiss my plea of a phone call. So this exemplifies my friends status – ZERO.
It is terrible to be in a situation where you cannot trust anyone enough to have them do something for you and those few you do, do nothing but stare like people do at car accidents, the ones that do nothing but the armchair coaching from the sidelines on what should and shouldn’t happen. Well to them I say – I AM A REAL PERSON, with feelings and needs as much as anyone. I have been very generous and done all I can to build bridges with my colleagues, German and non German alike and the result is that I am here and no one gives a shit to call or visit and ask if I need something, my few smses have gone unanswered and I feel quite embarressed that I even asked them in the first place.
I have been throwing myself 200% into work and organising up a storm perhaps to avoid the loneliness which always happens at the start of any new country or job, I know this. But this isn’t right. From any angle.
So why have I brought myself to another stark example of being in a new place where I am completly alone? Why do I do it, what do I have the need to inflict so much unhappiness on myself? – it’s anyones guess.
The funny thing is that the doctor said I have more procedures Monday and Tuesday but I could have gone home this weekend, I told him after much hesitation that I would rather stay in. I have the hateful fleabag hotel to go back to and even more solitude. Here I have a meal and a bed and pretend I have company...
Obi – pressing the red button again for the nurse to bring more pain killers... But it doesnt dull the real ache.
Day 6
I woke up at the ungodly hour of 5 this morning, tho god must have been there, some lovely sunbeams lit up a corner of the room. I wondered at the time why we haven’t figured out why light is both a wave and a partical, but I will leave that for some genius to figure out at 5am
I raised my bed and lay there listening to the nothings of the morning and started to cry. Breakfast had been delivered and so I hope that my roommates had not noticed me crying, I sobbed quietly and turned by head away from them as they continued with their breakfast, I spoke to the nurse and told him of the intense pain in my back radiating down to my legs and in due time the doctor came and asked me a few questions.
I put my tears down to the pain I was feeling, I just didnt tell him it wasn’t a physical pain that was making me cry. I miss so many people, I miss being cared about, I need some human contact other than somone smsing me with ‘Poor Boy’ and alike...
So today – Sunday – another ultrasound and Monday a jolly good go at the stone shattering machine again. The doctor says I can’t go home until Tuesday at the earliest, that will make 7 days in here, with the smells and sights and sounds of all the sickness around me. Anyone figured out that I am not a good patient yet? I have. I was antsy to leave Thursday, but no luck there.
The doctors has stated that they are amazed how dense the stone is and say it will take at least 3 other treatments to get close to the desired effect – which is sand. I won’t even go into the catheter they inserted into my kidney 4 days ago... that is another kettle of fish.
So – I am sorry that my blog isn’t the standard of overcoming challenges and and personal musings, its just that I have no one to talk to and you dear readers, multiplied and diffused throughtout the world are the closest to my heart. This a good quote ruined by me from the pope about 40 years ago, but it is apt for me now...
The thing about being in a foreign country is that you rarely see the big picture, this being from spoken and written information. I seem to be here this week with no end in sight, and generally no idea of when the next procedure is or what it will be. All people work well when they know the outcome or the duration of anything. Take a dvd for example, would you rent it if it didnt have a glossy picture on the cover? Or if there was no blurb on the back describing the story and what will happen, even vaguely. Or the length of the dvd, would you pay a good $5 for a dvd that runs for 20 mins or inversely, would you stil down to watch one that you knew little about and didn’t know when it finished? So too is my life. – this isnt a complaint gentle readers, it is just an observation. I have come to be able to accept this as the norm in my life.
Another thing I don’t do is watch TV, radio or read the news at all, simply because I don’t understand it, but also because it is very liberating not to have a head filled with half news stories from around the world and the chorus of the last song I heard on the radio, my head was built for better things. It has worked quite well. I am more my own person and less the puppet of the media or a receptical for the crap that is fed to us in unrealistic amounts.
Don’t get me wrong, I am all for the world, I love it in fact. I have seen a lot of it and revelled in the joy of it. It is simply that I would like to choose what goes in my head.
Oh – a nurse has come in to the room for the 80 year old, please explain to me why all nurses, who are adults themselves speak to patients like they are children in a one sided dialogues? Can they not manage to be themselves in their jobs and need this mechanism as a tool to better get the job done. I can’t say cart blanc that all nurses are like this, I am just speaking from my limited experiences in hospitals.
No sign of the 80 year olds ass today thank god, he now has his gown off and jim jams on! One thing that does bug me, maybe because I come from a country in the grips of a never ending drought, why – pray tell WHY, when my room mates shave over the sink, why is it that they leave the tap running for 20+ minutes? It is a shocking waste of water. I guess I can’t apply my cultural sensibilities to them, they do live on the banks of the 2 biggest rivers in europe, so water is never an issue. It just annoys me quietly...
I didnt expect to be here this long as you all know, if I had A) I would have brought some work with me to do and prepare for next week. B) I would have brought more than 1 change of jammies. ...And finally, C) I would have brought more money with me. The out of pocket expenses her at the hospital are 10 euros a day. I have just enough for a weeks visit and this total amount I must pay on exit of the hospital.
I wonder if I can beg my colleagues to come and collect me. It will be like asking for a favour after kiiling someones brother and I am sure the task will be passed around the room and made excuses for not doing it. It is quite odd they don’t know this: The unspoken code of English Teacher is to take care of each other, to listen and help and encourage each other. It seems that I have met only 10% of teachers who have a vague notion of this. Take my example in Poland, a jobless homeless teacher I took into my home and fed him and found him a job etc, who then shit in my face afterward. Another in Poland, I sought out because I knew his girlfriend lived in my town and I offered him my job and groomed him for the interview and all I got in reply was a terse bitterness from a drunkard.
Even when I got here, a colleagues laptop crashed and she lost all her photos 6 gig, so I did my best to recover them and I succeeded, not one word of thanks and later that week when I asked her to drive me home in a company car – 3km out of her way, she almost had a hissy fit. You think I would learn. Who said it – ‘do unto others...’ I don’t want this seemingly endless pattern to force me from giving up my kind and generous nature.
Anyone noticed I am rambling now? I am waiting for a nurse to come and give me some super pain killers. I hope I don’t have to wait all day...
2pm – small mercies. I had a visitor! Well he had to come to emergency anyway, he buggered his knee so after he was seen to he smsed and came up to see me. I was quite a moral boost and I am pleased someone came and I got the news from work etc. I was nice to be connected to something or someone again.
6pm – after making a joke of having my temperature taken and telling the nurses about my symptoms I finally showed them that I have an infection. IV antibotics and a horrble night at 39.5 and I sweated out the infection, god I gelt horrible. And, as a reward, I am not allowed breakfast. The procedure today is a repeat of last Thursday. The attempt to shatter the stone. Maybe I should call my week here – romancing the stone –tho I don’t think it will make a good movie.
The parade of doctors has come in and said that because I had such a high fever last night they can’t do the sonic shock therapy. So I am very upste and wasted a weekend in here – tho I did get the care I needed during the fever, so I can’t complain.

Now I am at work , I got here an hour after i forced them to release me today at 4pm to do some catch up work, it is now 11pm - I am a fucking idiot. Obi

Students Hills & Love

2008-06-07T13:24:00.010+02:00

I have a very difficult hill to climb in a one to one intensive course lots to teach and learn in this subject. But not as difficult as the student has it.

She is smart, bright and quick to learn, she is 18 and wants to enter a major University where most of the classes will be in English. She told me a little of herself, it is best to keep that professional distance, but she told me she lives with her boyfriend. The next class she told me her boyfriend is a great cook and that he is ... 35.

Much like religion or politics, the age gap in relationships is a contentious topic and often sets heart beating fast and faces to go red with strong opinions and anger. How old is too old? I am sure while reading that question you clearly see your answer... and this is correct for you.

But what is correct for others? Many people will often say, love is a mystery or come when you least expect it, or it is what is it etc... so why is age so sensitive a factor for many people?

Sure there is the fact that the older person could be seen to be taking advantage of the younger, this can be, but as I have heard first hand from others, it is often not the case.

Deep and sincere love is difficult to find in any case - look at me, I have spent 25 years spinning around the planet and looked high and low, I found it once but it wasn't mine too keep... So I cannot judge someone who happens to find love outside of an age bracket. I can only wish them well and smile wistfully and keep on my own path.

So to my student, I say good luck with the exams and study. My very best wishes for your future, and may true love surround you and embrace you all your life, no matter how old...

Jurasic-Obi

What's new?

2008-06-05T18:55:00.003+02:00

Hello all,
I just wanted to write a quick note to say that all is well... I mean weeeell... Let me explain.
I am using my own car to work and just I get paid a little for the time it takes to get there but not the petrol, it is okay i trade off the confusion and ceaseless conversations about ‘who’ can have what company car etc. Save so many green house gasses this way...
The problem is I keep getting parking tickets. No biggy, they aren’t much but it is a pain in the ass when I have to pay them at the post office. I have 5 so far...
Good and Bad students
Sure, like any teacher I have the good and the bad students. I have a sweet sweet girl that looks like a super model in a one to one intensive exam prep class. She is so nice and keen to learn the material. I just want to help her as much as I can, money is not a consideration.
I have bad students, like the snobby finger waggler that comes to class when he feels like it, and if he does cancel within 12 hours I don’t get paid, now this is okay if the class is in the middle of the day but it is at the end, so I have to wait around and so as it stands, 70% of the time I don't get paid for this class. It wouldn't be so bad but he is really intense and creepy, the teachers that have had him before me have all said similar. But I am the last monkey and so I am stuck with him. I am trying to arrange a new class over the top of him so he cancels out. We will see...
The way this school works is my boss arranges the new classes and talks to the new clients initially. I asked him and I discovered that he never suggest a time that a student or new class could come - (to fill in existing holes in a teachers schedule) he just says any time is good and he allots the class to whoever, whether they are business teachers or not or whether they have classes spread eagle across a day, I have ne day when I start at 7.30am - one class and another at noon and a final class at 7.10pm. So what the hell do I do with my day? I hate the place I am living now, the long term hotel, so I don't go home when I can help it.
I have had my car side mirror broken twice because I still have Polish plates. Germans hate Poles and vice versa, and since I have come under attack so to speak I am inclined to agree with the Poles.
What else?
Hmm - I seem to be cracking under the strain a little. I am working 15 hours a day or at work at least, but nothing else is getting done. Washing is difficult to organise coz I need a few hours at the laundromat and I don't often have enough of a break to do it and take my closes home to hang.
I like the work, I really do and i like being in Germany, I just wish all the other stuff, like registering as a resident in the city was easier and getting a bank account, and getting a gas and electricity and internet accounts... there is just too much to do and I don't have that much time. who knows how long I would wait in line to get these things done, and if you can't guarantee a time, then I can't go... you follow my drift?
This saturday night I am off to the city of Bonn, one of my colleagues is performing in a proper play and so to show support and have a night out, a few of us are going up and seeing the play.

Obi cracking and getting teary.... but looking forward to the play and some reilef at the end of June.

I Need A Holiday!

2008-05-30T18:20:00.008+02:00

Iceland or Liverpool?

Well I have been debating this with one of my colleagues here on where to zip off to for a week. it is really cheap from Frankfurt Hahn airport and it is only 60 mins from me. I am making real currency now - Euros not Zloty and so I can afford things. one being a holiday.

Yes I know some of you are know that I have a huge amount of money to pay out in the next 3 months but i can afford a little something for myself.

Iceland seems like a country of great mystery and wonder. I would really like to see the volcanic flows and the glaciers and the raw nature. I hear the people are really nice and English is the second language. it would be glorious. ho I wouldn't want to go alone... anyone want to come with me??

Liverpool. Now Liverpool has its appeal, the Beatles and ready availablity of fish and chips. Commonly spoken English! I would really like to see some english countryside and a few castles even. I have a musician friend I would like to visit and say hello to in the Bristol area... so this option has a lot of appeal.

The apartment saga continues. I have to wait a little longer before I can move in and have a real reason to go to IKEA. I may have a nice visitor from Australia in a few months. A very Brown visitor. I do hope I can show her the sights and sounds of this wonderful little corner of Germany, the high hills and the castles and the 2 mighty rivers joining in this perfect wine country.

It amazes me how focused I have become. I really have my sights sent on aceing this job, which so far has not been hard. I am a very organised teacher and seem to do okay with the students, I don't know any that don't enjoy my classes. I am keen as mustard (as I recall Ben Ekberg saying quite often - Congrats on the birth of your son by the way!!) to get started on my business degree. I have all the stuff here and I am going to start this weekend... with a beer in one hand and a poetic license in the other - hey which hands are on the keyboard writing the essay masterpieces??!

I am really looking forward to cooking up a storm, I got quite good at cooking in Poland and now I have access to asian spices etc I can now cook want I wanna cook! So all is happening and all is in place for me. there are a few things I would like but that will either happen or not. I am not going looking for them, if they are for me they will find me.

Another odd thing is that I was daydreaming when I was burning up the autobahn I recalled I live in castle road in melb for a while, then in poland I lived in Castle road and now AGAIN I live in castle road.... now that is really odd.

So all is good - I need a bank account andthe bastard who hates Poles to stop smashing my side mirrors on my Polish car... but other than that I have a lust for life!!

Obi Rockin it real-time!!

Uncomfortable in my own skin

2008-05-26T11:38:00.000+02:00

I have been in Germany now five weeks and aside from a looming operation on a pesky yet persistent stone, I am still uncomfortable in my own skin. I like Germans generally; I have no biases nor do I stereotype by nationality or religious or gender preference. Having said that, I can say that I have found all the people I have asked for help here to be lacking. Even medical professional I have paid to see have been less help than I experienced in Poland.
I can also say objectively that the sound of Polish in a group of people is far easier on the ear than that of German. I find it grating and the sounds too harsh, I am sure I will get used to it in time and learn to speak in the same manner… Time changes things; it just doesn’t bore you with the details…
I have to pay a rudely high commission on the flat I have rented. The real estate agents in this part of Germany seem to have a monopoly on this stupid system. I have to pay 2 months rent to them as a finder’s fee etc. And not only that, I have to pay 3 month as a bond instead of 2 months. Which means that my land lady doesn’t trust me, but liked the idea of a foreigner under her roof.
I am really uncomfortable in this fleabag long term stay hotel, I haven’t used the pots or pans or the other stuff provided here. I had some ‘idjut’ knock on my door and ask me for 2 Euros the other day, I told him to piss off rather quickly. Someone also introduced me to the neighbourhood by ripping my side mirror off my car overnight a few weeks ago. I just love this shithole ghetto I live in…
On top of that I have no social life, well, more to the point I have found that with the culture I am in the locals need to see you around a lot and often for a long while before they will be bothered speaking to you. I found this doing business with Germans a few years ago and it is still true today.
It is funny how many looks I get from people because of the Polish plates on my car. When I say funny I mean snide looks, Germans just don’t like Poles and the reverse is true as well. Could even be the reason my mirror was ripped off my car…
Now – before my devoted friend jumps in with a message and says that I sound depressed and so negative, I must remind her that this is my spleen venting valve and if I didn’t see a future I would leave PDQ…
To be positive in the middle of all this mire, I must say the feel of the city is good; the feng shue struck me the moment I left the tunnel and emerged into the rivered valley below. The Alt Stadt is really quite quaint with its narrow cobblestoned streets, except for the overpriced cafes and restaurants. The climate is warm and I have no complaints about the weather. It has a densely populated 130,000 people. A well run and organised city with shopping centres and cinemas. The Rhine and Mosel rivers split from here and the rising air I am told is great for power gliders, much like Bright back home is.
On the whole I have good and attentive students. I have a teenage girl class that I would happily throw from the fourth floor window, but I digress... I like it here.
As expected, arranging a visa is tough, and quite the pain in the ass. It will take time, I hope quicker than Poland was.
I have been thinking about Poland a lot lately. Missing my home above the restaurant, missing the familiar sights and sounds of the little town I called home. A boring place, but I felt a peace there.... that bordered on a comatose complete loss of touch with reality.... but a calm peace nonetheless.
I miss a great many things. I miss Penny a lot. I do love her dearly and miss her daily, but I also knew that she needed to give her marriage another chance and I am glad that I helped her to realise that. She is moving to Dublin in a month so her daughter can have her father again and so she can put her family together again. I find myself missing the sunshine too; I work a lot and don’t seem to get out much. The warm of the sun can never be forgotten, no matter how much winter you have had since you’ve seen it last.
I have figured out the whole love thing out. It has cost me more than I ever wanted to pay to finally learn about it, but the summary for me is that I do certainly believe in love, it is just that she does not believe in me. So whoever she is, the goddess Fortuna or the Goddess Venus, she does like a laugh that is for certain.
So I will do my economics degree and write up a storm, teach and enjoy learning to teach, I will learn German and do what I can to get by, but I don’t have any illusions about what I can expect or deserve for myself. It is all utterly irrelevant in the big picture. As I was discussing with someone today, if atoms can be smashed in a particle accelerator then what hope for me?
Obi taking a deep breath in and reaching for more pain medication...

O.P.S. – Saw Indiana Jones the other day, it really sucks ass in German.... Siiigh....

Internet Explorer Error Messages

2008-05-24T13:29:00.001+02:00

Guess who needs surgery! A stay in a German Hospital

2008-05-20T16:15:00.000+02:00

A special hello to all UK visitors!

2008-05-17T19:48:00.001+02:00

Nice to see you online and still reading!

Friends

2008-05-17T19:07:00.004+02:00

Now I know I seem to complain a lot on this blog, but weally, I didn’t wealise how much until a friend I chat to stated quite matter of factly that I am a sad sap.
This Blog's express purpose id to get my thoughts out - a detoxifier if you will. I am sorry to those who read and don't come away happy. I will try and polish up my act and be more cheery...
Another friend who has exhibited odd behaviour is my friend from Poland who I will call Ralf. Now Ralf is a German teacher and I have a lot of fun with him in Poland and we hung out at Christmas and Easter - 2 big holidays in Poland. and i appreciate everything he has done, but I must add that I did volunteer to do his homework for his English course, for a lark, and ever since the first time he has been thrusting his homework into my hands and expecting me to do it.

Generally I have time and energy to do this, but on my last day, when he and his wife and son came to wish me a safe journey - there was the ol'- 'by the way' moment where he thrust his latest homework into my hand and said, "something for your trip, my next assignment, due in 5 weeks.'

Now I was a little peeved but like a good friend I took it and smiled and after a 1200km driving into a new country job and life I even tackled it one exhausted Friday night, I got 3 of 5 parts done, (letters to people) then I sat back tired and thought, dammit that will do, he should be able to finish the rest himself, the hard part is finished.

I emailed the work and said as much to him politely saying, here - you can finish the rest. to which I got a reply the next morning stating that he was waiting for the rest to be done. Now I had left the assignment sheet here on the desk at work and the cleaners the diligent devils had thrown it out and I told him this. and said that he will have to do it himself. I apologised appropriately and enough for this and sent the email. The reply was quite short, indignant and shitty. What kind of friend does that??

Has he revealed himself to be the superficial user I suspected him to be? Has the only child syndrome kicked in and the emperor is not happy. I mean, I have asked him for things and he has not done them. I didn't not do his homework on purpose, I was just exhausted and left the rest for him. Please folks - comment on this. Is Obi bad or now seeing a user clearly... The lines are open...

My idol!

2008-05-14T19:54:00.001+02:00

Dizzy Sunshine

2008-05-10T17:20:00.004+02:00

The weather just keeps getting better here, maybe it took two winters with snow and cold to start to appreciate the summer sunshine, but I seem to all the more this summer. It is the summer of something big...

I have secured the apartment that I wanted and I am pleased. it is very nice and only a few blocks from work in the centre of the city. It isnt cheap but it is nice. Penthouse views and a private elevator with a glass atrium for a dining room and a great new kitchen.

I am still feeling unsettled and missing a home. I won't be able to move in for a 5 weeks sadly but now I can get all my residence papers organised etc.

Summer is coming and work will start to dry up. I am on salary so they have to fill my time, but the downside is that it could be utter crap that they fill it with. I won't know until it happens.

My new apartment was rented with a reason, aside from the people that are coming to visit me, I want to invite more. So consider yourself welcome!

My idea of starting my own school is persistant. I keep looking at the organisations I work for and see so many things I can learn from them, like how to be organised. They are completely hopeless.

I need a dose of home - I don't think I can afford to go back to Australia in December - so I think I will have to consider going in the shoulder period.

I am not going to be able to buy furniture for a long time - there will just be no money for it.

Good news for all things French - I am off to France on Monday for a bit of a jaunt with the boys from school. I got a cheap cheap train ticket and I will be off to discover the border towns. So I look forward to seeing the sights and sounds.

I went to lunch today with my Saturday morning students and we went Japanese. a glorious day filled with fun and laughter. Japanese food is great!

Love to my peeps. Obi Won Kenardly cope with the wonderfulness of life - I am smiling wide kids!!

Hump Day - Err Week...

2008-05-05T09:38:00.000+02:00

Why am I here? It came up in class the other day – what is good about Germany. And, after a stumped silence someone answered, “the good thing about Germany is that you can leave anytime…” Everyone looked at this student and started laughing and agreed.

I asked a similar question to my students in Poland, I asked them to give me 3 things they liked about Germany and no one spoke… I should have taken that as an omen, but I was so caught up in trying to get away from my cushy job and nice apartment and friends that I didn’t really listen.

What is it with me? I had a great job and a nice apartment with plenty of room. I had good friends and a wonderful sincere and loving girlfriend. I left. I left and now looking back I have no good reason why.

I think about it and I must say that I was bored in that little hick town, but strangely I miss it. I used to spend hours staring out my window and wonder what the hell I was doing so far from anywhere. I consoled myself by reminding myself that I left because I was learning nothing as a teacher. Because I was becoming lax and lazy in my day to day life and work. I left because my boss was a wanker and proved it grandly when I left.
The only constants is that I am still alone, or more to the point, more alone than I was.
That I have my work and starting from the basement again.
That I have to struggle (I seem to like situations where I really have to push, likely because they are the only ones I am used to)
That I am broke again.

I am so so tired of being alone now I can’t manage it for much longer. I really want to just settle down and just be happy with someone to care for. But I keep using the tango dance steps to do the waltz and tripping up again and again. Shakabuku anyone??

What I do have….
I have a new job and a fresh chance.
I have a group of people to work with (hmmm… that can be in the bad column too.
I have my dear friends closer to me, now just 2 hours on the Autobahn.
I have my uni course starting, and that should be good.
The summer is coming – thank god!
I have a very interesting city to explore.

What I don’t have…
I don’t have any cooperation or friendship from the people I work with; they all turn down offers to go out and on the weekends don’t even answer their phones or have run at full pelt for another city and are secretive about what they did on their weekends.
I don’t have any company or anyone to talk to. The most beautiful sight in the world is nothing if you have no one to share it with.
I don’t have a place I can really relax and call my home, I have been living in a stupid fleabag hotel for the past 3 weeks and I hate that I can’t open the front door all the way because it bangs into the kitchen, or that I have to step sideways to get through the kitchen, or that 2 paces after that I am on a creaky balcony looking at horrible backsides of buildings.
I don’t have enough money to afford the bond for the flat I took a look through on Friday night because my wanker ex boss didn’t pay me.
I don’t have anywhere to go or anyone I can ask to go out or just go window shopping with.
I am not free of this damn kidney stone that is causing me pain every night and affecting my sleep.

All I have are my teacher’s books and some small hope for the future… Obi bottom lip dragging champion 3 years running…

The last 10 days...

2008-04-23T11:46:00.000+02:00

Dear Readers.
The last 10 daze of my life have been rather full to say the least. Moving 1000km across borders into another country. A new language culture and ways of doing things. A new company and a teacher’s room full of new faces and several languages. New money and the scale of costs. The end of love and the loss of warmth in my heart. Yes, I actually chose to leave love. Love has left me so many times… I believe in love, love just doesn’t believe in me, so what would you do?
All this has me now in a dingy little flat, rented by the week, full of the smells of old cooking and fat in the air. Vague sounds through the walls and a feeling of utter dislocation. The place or space I have now is only big enough for a bed and a few chairs, in fact it is smaller than my bathroom in Poland and that is saying something. It costs me 100 euro a week, though I can exit with a few days notice.
I have the opportunity to take on another teachers old place, more expensive but bigger. It faces a nice river, which is actually across the road where the river cruise ships dock. It is around the corner from a carnival. And up the road from a dozen fine restaurants and pubs. I am hoping god smiles on me, as he has, getting me this far and continues to do so by letting me rent this new place my colleague is leaving. Extra prayers will come in handy folks – HINT.
I have a nasty last memory of my Polish home. My boss did me out of at least a month's rent money here in the new country, there at least a month’s wages. He was a bitter nasty man and I am disappointed that he sank so low as to steal from me and black mail me. He gave me refused to give me any money and stated that he would only give me 950PLN if I signed a paper that said I lay not further claim to the 1795PLN that he owed me.
He is a good catholic being a very poor Christian. He claimed that I did not give one months notice, I did. He claims that a months notice in polish civil law (which he was contracted to advise me on) was actually from the first of the month to the first of the month ONLY. I gave a months notice from the 14th to the 14th. Still a month as the contract I wrote and he signed states. So he is just hiding confidently behind a lie. I pity this man; he has done himself a great disservice. Everyone in the town knows and most especially the people who he is in business with and contracted to for teaching. They will not renew their contracts. They will never return to his school.
I left Poland 2 hours late after a stalemate round of arguments for 2 hours. Where I eventually conceded to my schedule and his plan of waiting me out.
I drove away quite incensed and full of rage. This served me in the 900km I had to drive over 10 hours. I reached my friend home in Germany beyond exhaustion, having spent the final 3 hours hammering my poor small car through mist hail and impossible rain. At some points on the autobahn I could see nothing but tail light of trucks and I had to guide myself at speeds over 140km/h in driving rain. I finally got to my friends home and collapsed after a bowl of soup. The next day was slow and I was weary. I went into the city and wandered around on foot. That night we had a birthday party. It finished about 3pm; I was deep in sleep at 11. The next morning I got up quietly and left. I hammered down the Autobahn and arrived 2 hours early in my new city. I have been running and barely touched the ground since.
It was good, I have discovered, not to take time off between jobs. I am still up to speed and found to my surprise that I am exceptionally organized in relation to my new colleagues. I have computerized everything and even have books on file. My goal is to never have to go to the office at all.
I am used to working on my own and now that I have 20 colleagues, 6 native English speakers, I am finding it tough to adjust.
For my colleagues – I have already rescues a laptop from the jaws of the blue screen of death. I have rewritten a key template used by all teachers; I have found items of importance for colleagues and connected colleagues by information by intuition. I have done well in my new job. I have made a positive mark. (I am waiting for the sky to fall in as it always does… but it doesn’t seem to be falling)
I have a company car at any time I need it. I have access to a huge library (mostly useless), I have a bright new and shiny school to be a part of in a huge city. I have huge emotional wounds still open but I have my suit and tie and smile on. No one cares about my losses, or pain. It isn’t important. So I just push. Push to do well by my new students and colleagues, I push to keep up and be organized, I push hard against the tears every damn day. Wish me luck kids… Obi

In Germany Now

2008-04-21T10:45:00.002+02:00

Hi all, sorry for the delay in writing and even now i have no time to write so i must keep it short and sweet.

I have a good job and a company car. I work in company at a big manufacturing company most of the time.

I need to get registered to live in the city and get the work visa rolling.

I will have a new flat soon, overlooking the rhine across the street, where all teh crusise ships dock. IKEA is on my target list.

This school is more organised than the last one but less than ideal, so in the next 18 months I will be starting my own company and being my own boss, it really is the only way.

PS / German keyboards are very different YUCK!

I will make a long report about the dramas of leaving Poland etc when i can.

hey people / come visit mee!!

Obi stein

Thursday & Upon the morrow...

2008-04-10T09:27:00.002+02:00

This week has been a strain - I have had to schedule my time dow to the 30 minute blocks so I get see people and get things done and take on the double classes that students requested because I am leaving, I should be flattered and I suppose I will be but I am too exhasuted and distracted to do taht right now.

My fav class this morning gave some some company product, cushions, and a not that when I miss them I can cry into the pillows. a sweet gift and rather funny. I came home after that as my next class was cancelled. I decided to trash everything I could see - I love heavy duty garbage bags...

I have to go back to the company to have one final class (which I think will be a coffee and cake session) and maaaybee a gift from the chairman. I am sad to go and I do value my life here and I am genuinely shocked by the positive impression I have made on the staff and students. it makes it all the harder to leave and has be really questioning my decision to leave. ...then i think of my boss and the messying around he has caused and all the niggly details... and I take a deep breath and go.

I went to my old pub last night and hung out with the old crew, a quiet night and a beer and a final chat and I was gone.

I am trying to make time for Penny Century, it seems the shoe is on the other foot now that I am difficult to catch, I remember days when I would wait for her to have time all day. She doesn't like coming second, no one does, but I just have to do things.

I have not done enough research on my route and tonight I will do a cramming session before bed at 9pm, I am up at 4.30 tomorrow and out of here by 6am then the boss comes to collect the keys.

You know it is still funny, he has been asking me for the second key to the flat for months now and I always say no - my privacy is bought and paid for, I am not having some body coming in any time - not even my boss. If he mentions it again today I will finally say what I always wanted to say. which was - '...sure you have this second key, and give me one to your home too'

he is a nice enough fella when he has no control over you. I do like him, but his behaviour in the last month has been insulting and he still is completely ignorant of this fact and continues to ask me to stay. He is an ostrich, head in the sand or his own ass, I dunno which... maybe his ass is sandy - who knows and cares.

it is raining here and has been since 3am, so the roads are very wet. I do hope it stops and I can have a clear run tomorrow, but unlikely. tho if it is cold out then I can be sure teh care won't over heat so fast.

Wish me luck kiddies - I hope I have no excitement to report until I start work on Monday.

Bye from Poland.

Obi - 'I’m movin’ with the strength of a spear, I’m cruisin’ with the past in my mirror. Done leveling my city of ghosts. Cool ashes, like it’s all that she wrote' - Sadness Soot - Grant Lee Philips

Sundaze

2008-04-06T09:03:00.002+02:00

Saturday started at 8am, I can't seem to sleep much the past few weeks. The anxiety is wearing me down. I had my last class with my dear friend and student. We went to see her near completed home and chatted and then had coffee. I came home and started to dismantle my bed, as someone had bought it and was going to pick it up at 3pm.

The replacement teacher came as I had asked him to so I could explain the job a little more thoroughly. I was still angry with him from the night before but that had to be put aside. I wrote a 26 page report for him, class plan and structure, student profiles covering 7 criteria, the time table and everything else. He didnt even thank me. He just staggering in the door already drunk and cracked another can of beer. Throughout the info session he repeated questions and asked me things that were in the report. I finally finished answering repeated questions and then I decided to drive him to the company sites so he would know where they were then dropped him off at home.

The bed guys came and went and were fully expecting the bed not to be disassembled, but I dunno how they expected to carry it down 3 flights of stairs. Numb skulls.

I had a snooze and then went to supper with my student friend from that morning with her husband. A nice meal in a quiet place outside town, it maybe my fave soup. Home and a DVD and be on the sofa in the living room. I have walked to my bedroom several times this past day and I get there and there is no bed, I really miss that bed. It was the MALM bed in the IKEA catalogue, very comfy and my refuge from fatigue.

Today I am going to a friends house for lunch - a traditional Polish Sunday lunch. It will be nice.

I had some tears yesterday, it is extremely difficult to pack up a life and all the other things. Penny Century was also crying yesterday and called me saying her heart was broken. She didn't blame me but knew she loved me so deeply and that I was going. You know you can really tell someone loves you when you see their eyes wide and full of love everytime they look at you. Now those eyes are full of tears.

The double gravity season is here and I am straining under the weight. Help anyone - I'm Drowning. Obi

T muinus 5 daze and counting

2008-04-05T10:53:00.001+02:00

My meeting with my boss was a disaster, I am far too polite. He didn't pay me, he gave me a token third of my wages, holding the rest and justifying it by saying that he wanted to see the fridge and the washing machine in my flat still worked before he would pay me.

Personally I thought he was just short on cash and that was why the stalling and pissy excuse. No, he had bought a brand new Chrysler Voyager for this growing family. So wide eyed with incredulity abounding, I stood up and did what my horoscope that day had told me, whichas not to argue or make waves and go with the flow. So I stood up and walked out the door and let go of my angst and headed for my going away party. Which ended up being very good and I had a lot of fun time the end. My replacement that I picked for Arek, a raving alcoholic started expressing his ungrateful bitter manifesto - so I stood up and left. I walked home angry and went to bed. Obi

low blood sugar

2008-04-03T14:25:00.002+02:00

Looking back on yesterday's post I see that I was a little low on blood sugar. Sure I am still bracing for the worst, but I still have to plan for and compensate for the unexpected. My cleaning girl is coming next week towards the end. All I can do is the best at tying up my loose ends.

I need to watch my meals.

Obi

darkest before the dawn

2008-04-02T12:37:00.005+02:00

As the day approacheth - I am starting to see little warning signs that my boss may start to be difficult.

He wants to do the final hand over of my flat and my monies etc on at the very minute I leave. This dear friends is at 6am on the 11th - Friday morning. So all the deal breakers are at this final moment. I stated I wanted it all done Thursday at 5.30pm, which happens to be the end of my last class - I think this if fair an equitable. On Friday morning I drop the keys in the post box and all is done.

I sense, as was my experience in Russia, a few hiccups on their way.

Now it is stressful to the max to up and move country and drive across europe with only a faint idea of where you are going, It is stressful enough to grasp the challenege ahead - new country new culture and language etc. I don't think I will have a 10th of the patience needed to cope if my boss starts knit picking at the very last moment.

I have not been sleeping well the last few days and I have been forgetting things and all round distracted but doing my best. I have a lot to do and a long way to go and I don't need any hitches.

making changes at the last minute is required, I pray to God I don't have too many.

Everyone - Pray Obi can leave without incident...

Da I Ron Chef - is a little rusty...

2008-03-29T12:51:00.003+01:00

Hello ladies and gentlemen,

I didn't visit friends as planned last night, my bad. so tonight I promised them Tom Yum Goong and some Spicy Thai Pork to make up for it. A big leap to hope that I can get half the ingredients in a Polish supermarket, but I have an ace in the hole - I bought some thai spices in Germany last time I was there and now I will use them in souper recipies!

Most the the meal will be a 70% Polish and 30% my invention or REinterpretation of the Thai ingredients. We will see.

personally I think if I bury it under the nice wines and scotch I bought for pre dinner drinks - then maybe they won't know...

Off to the kitchen now to cook up something less than perfect but better then crap.. (I hope)

Chef Obi

Broken English

2008-03-28T22:43:00.000+01:00

Just thinking...

good night... Obi

14 daze to go...

2008-03-27T17:17:00.003+01:00

Well Ladies and Gentlemen, the countdown says that it is less than 14 daze to go until I put the cases in the car and sojourn across this great nation (thank god its FLAT) to the border of Germany and into the wild blue yonder of being a German resident.

I hear a great many things about germany - that its tough to re-register a car, that the taxes are high and the insurances are expensive... I hear all the negatives. If anyone out there wants to tell me the positives about living in Germany Please leave a comment!

The 'reluctant ex' picks up her hamster tomorrow and laptop - which I could not fix - (she forgot the power cable) and I have told EVERYONE about my party. So now all that is left to do is finalise the packing arrangements with my cleaning lady (rather gorgeous 20 year old girl actually - doesn't speak English) a time she can come and spend 2 hours cleaning. I know I am lazy. But I do have the plausable excuse that I have a kidney stone and vigorous work such as cleaning hurts. and 10 dollars for 2 hours cleaning is, in my opinion, a good deal.

I have been reading about the phenomenon of WEB 2.0 the last few days and it is interesting. Some of my students are IT guys so it is relevant. But most students from a TINY town (world) can't see the value or sift through the abstract to see the HUGE benefits of it.

The thing about teaching in such a tiny town is that no one has ventured outside this microcosm much to be able to enrich this place beyond the mundane. I can appreciate the small town life (FOR A WHILE) but I just can't imagine living here and revelling in the utter lack of variety or ignorance about the wonderful world outside. I am stained with the the many travels I have had and that just won't wash out, even after 15+ months.

I am pleased my boss has found a last minute replacement. I found one for him too - albeit a shabby one and I networked and found him a NATIVE SPAINISH speaker teacher and this well expand his business a lot. Well ya never know... Curious - previous to living in Poland all vodka's tasted alike to me, but now, I have sampled a few, I can really appreciate the good from the bad.

I know I am leaving behind the prettiest girls in Europe, and for me that is a good thing. I will be able to concentrate on WORK and my new studies in my economics degree that I have started. The topics for the classes I have seen seem silly. I have been writting MBA papers for the last year and anything less I am confident won't be much of a challenge.

It is amazing to me how much I have learnt in the last 15+ months. Not just about buiness concepts and practice but about myself, life, teaching and everything. So a good time has been had. Albeit lonely and most of it missing an English rose. but we all have our memories and those quiet moments we like to live in them... ( I'm off now to reminisce about the one big love....)

Peace to da Obi coz da Obi say peace!

Post Easter

2008-03-24T20:51:00.008+01:00

Another has come and gone and I must say this one was much nicer than the last. I went to a friends parents house for traditional lunch and we ate and ate for hours - 3 courses and vodka to the eyeballs, we spoke german all afternoon, good practice for me. I was exhausted from the eating and then we went out. At 9pm we were in the local bar and looking at all the folks that post easter dinner had let out to play. I had a dance and a few beers, but I knew my limit and finished the night with water rather than pickling myself, as I saw my friends do. Oh boy!

I met up with 2 gorgeous women I have known for ages, one was a student and the other a friends friend. Ah beer googles were not needed, generally I will say confidently that Polish women are absolutely gorgeous. So I was in heaven (exhausted heaven), I heard my inner bell go off and I stood up said my goodbyes to the blurry eyed and walked home 2km in the light snowfall. Home by midnight and a hot shower and bed saw me swiftly to la la land.

Today saw me up early - much to my regret, fed the freak in the cage and then dawdled around for a while. Went to lunch at my friends house and I had convinced her I could do wonders at great speed for her thesis in linguistics. She was genuinely shocked on how much we got done and how quick I was. So next week we will tackle another few pages and hopefully I will have her well on her way for her deadline in 8 weeks. Its more about enthusiasm and motivation than anything else... Came home and redid a resume, which has become a habit for me in the last few months. I am happy to help people with resumes in English, infact I am quite good at them.

Chatting away tonight online and emailing - thinking about watching something before bed but find myself thinking about this winter and my need for sunshine. I hate snow.

Obi - lovin giving to people...

We're all going on a rodent holiday

2008-03-22T12:07:00.005+01:00

At least one of you will be laughing her ass off when I say that I am hamster-sitting. The little bastard got out of its cage last night and lead me a merry chase around the flat looking for it at 7am this morning. I finally found it in the warmest corner of the house - Tha bathroom quite by accident.

So now I have 3 weeks before I start work in Germany and I met with my boss a few days ago for a status update. It seems his teacher has fallen though, the major reason is that the EU project has not given a final go ahead for the project. and so you can't expect a teacher to wait in a holding pattern - and if they do you need to question WHY they would.

Also strangely, he seems to think 30 day notice (which I put in this new contract) means to the end of the following month (that is 6 weeks - can he count??) - I just think it is an inffectual way of expressing his disgruntled mood.

Its official - I am bored - last easter I was bored and this easter I am bored too, it was snowing this morning and I watched it until it stopped. Four hours later any sign of it is gone and I am still bored. I have half a mind to terrorise the rodent, I actually let him sit my my shoulder and eat out od his cage but he just couldnt manage that and started complaining about the service and the heating and wanted to know when the cable will be fixed. Blah Blah blaaah! - Welcome to Hotel Rodent-fornia - you can check out biatch but I will still keep you in your plastic aquarium!

Obi - still bored and still cleaning - and dreaming of a better life in Germany... aaand beer gardens and nice food and nice girls and all that stuff..

Trust Your Instincts

2008-03-19T12:29:00.006+01:00

Well - I read today from an excellent Blog that trusting instincts was this years black, so I will take this under advisement. I need to find me inner instict and have a chat to him and find out why the bloody hell he hasn't been speaking to me much lately. WOT - has the lil biatch gone EMO on me and clammed up listening to the Smiths or something. I remind him AGAIN that he works for me, and that he better get his act together or I will replace him quick smart with the latest model of "Mercenary Sensibilities 3000"... then we will see who is a whiney snivelling biatch - me thats who! - eeeerrr hang on...

Hmm - that self talk session didn't go as well as I thought. But true, instincts are important and need to be listened to.

Obi to Obi - Obi to Obi - Come in Obi....

5000 Hits!

2008-03-18T19:32:00.001+01:00

Yaaaay! I have had 5 thousand hits!!

2008-03-17T23:14:00.004+01:00

Open University... that is where I am virtually studying now... I paid for my first class over the phone and I am on my way. The first class starts in MAY, so I will have time to get myself organised in my new life and ace the first class...
It will cost around 20K Australian and I am fully expecting that. So now it is official. I a uuuuni Stuuuudent.
What else can I say from today. Nothing. a slow day with a lot of running around as usual so it was no wonder I took my standard nap. My students call them my 'meetings' now and ask if I have had many meetings or when the last one was... Cheeky buggers... gotta love em.
Well Penny flaked on my tonight, the second last time we can meet and she fell asleep until 10pm and I was waiting - staaarving for a meal and I ended up cooking my own here. Doesn't that shit ya!
well that is all kids - sleep well I intend to...
Obi-ski!

Gdansk

2008-03-16T21:55:00.002+01:00

I went to Gdansk to day with Penny and her daughter, It would have been a great day but for the half pint attention demanding drama queen... a good day - one of my last with Penny ruin ed by a little shit of a child.

Don't get me wrong - I love kids, just this one. It was a 10c day and the sky was gray. Still a magic city that I would recommend to anyone. Infact I wanna go back - maybe in the summer.

A long email to my mum and some pictures to make her happy... Communication has been difficult the last few weeks with anyone and of course mums deserve the first news...

Obi Sayer - "you make me feel like Gdansking - I wanna Gdansk the night away...."

2008-03-15T08:42:00.000+01:00

Aftermath

2008-03-14T14:30:00.002+01:00

Well, I told my boss and he was pissed off and we me the day after I filed my resignation. He asked me to do a few things before I leave and most of them I can't do. So I smiled and said yes and agreed with him. He wants me to stay longer, about 2 weeks but there is not chance the job in Germany will wait that time for me.

I heard someone I knew in Oz is having a baby. I am happy for him. I am sure it will fill a huge part of his life that has needed attention for many years. I wish him well.

I have cleaned and compiled a list of things I need to do before I go but today its beers on the couch and some TV escape. Fridays have been my day off for ages now and I am kinda like it now. Though when I hit Germany I am sure I will be jumping and sprinting until I know the ropes.

I had my eyes tested and I am getting some new glasses. I have a difficult script so they need to send to Japan for the lenses, and the costs just increase! Either way I am getting new specs and I am happy, even though they aren't Mikli I don't mind so much.

I was thinking about England today, a place I think of less and less these dayd and I am sure the smae is true for it. I used to have opinions about that place and its people but now I just accept that it is an island isolated from everyone else.

A sad farewell to JonnyPon. Uncle John has fought a valiant fight against death and he got in a few kicks and punches in the meelee, but he has finally lost as well all do in the end, but really it is never about how we die its about how we fight for life. Lots of Love John.

I am sorta worried about the border crossing, I dunno what will happen and when I will cross, likely on a saturday morning but since Shengin - there are open borders and that isnt true for me. So I have to find a immigrating crossing and get myself stamped and allowed in. With all my belongings in the car that may look suspicious... it is a worry on the back burner.

Penny Century and I am doing well and enjoying our last few weeks together. Unlike some, I would rather not be alone. I would rather see what I have and value what moments I have left.

Peace to mah bruther DJ Dougie Doug, I hope life is slick, black and round like a record baby!

Big Smoooches to fav Gaijin Girl - kickin it real time in The city of Tall buildings and short people!

If any reader had tips Ideas and shortcut that I may need to getting settled in a life in Germany PLEASe be forthcoming - I needs to know!!

Jeopardy in Jermany

2008-03-10T16:35:00.007+01:00

Well it seems that after my glowing interview the contract was sent... and after a careful read of it I discover some major anomalies in the pay department. So I sent an email to ask for clarification.

If you read between the lines of this contract it seems as if this company has been fucked around by a few too many teachers and this is reflected clearly in the writing style and protective defensive content of the contract.

Also seems I am required to work or be available (like a fireman) for 6 additional hours of teaching per week. (are they really THAT short of teachers? Is their business really that unstable that they need every teacher (they have many and 9 natives speakers) on the front line at a moments notice?

The discrepancies in the pay rate bothers me, other than the fact the job is false advertising, I have been turned off this job quite a lot and I am very disappointed, I was looking forward to a nice German summer and beer garden sessions.

The hours are so highly regulated that I wonder if I would be going into a prison. All class room changes and time table changes must be done by the administration - well that is a good thing, but in my experience all the admin staff I know are utterly useless and I would have sacked 80% of the ones I dealt with in schools in weeks.

Also if I don't submit a detailed course outline to the last minute each day then I don't get paid for it, simple as that. Here I make my own courses usually, and I work and change the hours according to the students needs, but as a stipulation in the business contracts, if they don't notify me of the change in class time (can't attend) within 10 hours of the class, then I will be paid for it regardless. This works well, especially because it shows them what happens if they waste my time and also my time is valuable. Additionally I am not waiting at the end of the table for scraps of their time like a puppy. As it is here I get paid for at least 1 class a week that can't be attended, If you pay for a service (teaching) then you have to understand I am not a call girl.

Obi is waiting on answers...

---

4 hours later I got the email I was hoping for and further details were explained to me. So I am satisfied that it will be a good career move so everything is back on target and I resiging tomorrow, I feel quite sad to do it. I have been part of this town, tho isolated for the past year and I am very lazy and lax now, so I need to smarten up and get myself together.

Even Penny Century said I should go - being that if I still lived in town she wouldn't be able to keep her hands off me! (If she doesnt go to ireland to live) That nice, I like affection!

Obi

Sunday Night Realisations

2008-03-09T19:35:00.004+01:00

A quiet sunday and the grey dull sky hung heavy with clouds. But for me I was in some bubble detached from the world, I felt free and elated, dizzy and content. It felt like an afternoon stolen from the world that was just mine.

After a week apart from Penny Century we met and talked calmly and argued and resolved our issues. More to the point, we knew both our lives were changing in the next 4 weeks and we could spend them apart of together. We chose together.

Like with anything, when you can see the end of something you start to appreciate the little things, cut swathes of cloth for the mental scrap book to turn to when the times turn hard, or loneliness turns it attention to you again. So I have my scissors and my mental polaroids recording the sights the sounds the smells and the sensations of being here now. I guess you could say a life is ending. But definitely. Certainly. A new one is beginning!

My Page Needs A Shake Up!

2008-03-09T15:37:00.002+01:00

Greetings dear readers. as you can get by the title a change is needed... I am , and as some of you out there are also, sick of my page format, so I am gonna change. any suggestions will be gratefully accepted.

Today I had sunday lunch with my boss and his family. quite a nice family gathering 3 generations etc and other guests and fun was had my all... wall all except me, no dear reader, not the usual misery guts disposition of me - no, I felt terribly guilty taht I was going to drop a bombshell on my boss on Tuesday and tell him I have another job in Germany and I am giving 30 days notice. I felt very guilty and not hungry at all - it was far too late to cancel the luncheon, as I have cancelled before a few times and so I HAD to go.

We had trout - Whole Trout - Now I haaate most finsh at the best of times so this was not an easy meal for me. But I smiled and shatted and listened to people chat and laugh in Polish around me. A good afternoon but I cut it short as I have other plans. And now I am home the woman i had the plans with has delayed (all women make men wait) and so I will be having coffee and going to a movie this afternoon.

Obi needs to clean the house more and go into to packing over drive....

Well Hell!

2008-03-08T15:32:00.004+01:00

I answered a number withheld call and it was the teacher in Germany wanting to speak to me about the job. A bit off balance I went through with the interview and was completely relaxed.

After 10 minutes I was offered the job and the contract is being sent by email.

The spinning dime - it just keeps spinning!

So by mid April I will FINALLY be in the place I have wanted to teach for tha past 2 years. I am finally ready for the big league... I hope it all works out. The accomodating he mentioned is a fully furnished appartment on the Rhine river and seems okay for the price. Now all I have to do is pack and prep papers for the new teacher to start.

All full steam ahead! Obi the new ribber-boat-kaptain!

We All Have Monsters

2008-03-06T23:27:00.000+01:00

Far End Of The Night

2008-03-06T21:30:00.005+01:00

A Thursday night and the traffics sings its lullaby outside my window, quietly today and as the streetlights paint the recent rain in the streets a musty yellow I look out of my window and wonder about the question.
I'm comfortable and familiar at the moment and I never feel at ease in this state, usually because it is the quiet before the fall. This hazy relaxed malaise is always a time bomb for some drastic event.
Penny Century is trying to play mind games with me, whether she is subconsciously or consciously angry with me or because she knows the end is tapping at the door, I can't tell. Suffice it to say I had seen it years before and I had had enough then. It is really disappointing when adults over 30 can't breathe deep and suck it in and accept the inevitable with grace and dignity. In fact I am deeply disappointed specifically at Penny for her current behaviour. I am certainly not going to play that game. She can go and rot.
The job in Germany that was so keen to hire me has not come through and I am a little disappointed (again) on paper, it was the perfect job for me and I was keen to get back to a country that takes pride in timing and organisation... and has a language I half understand.
When I get this comfortable life has taught me from bitter experience to pack up and pull a pillow over my head and wait for the bombs to start. So in anxious practice I have washed all my clothes and folded them into my suitcase and started to shed my extra papers and stuff that I never needed. My house is clean and the rubbish is out, including the extra stuff my housemate dumped with me and never paid me back, so surreptitiously I took owner ship of all his belongings and threw them out. I figure 6 months of begging someone for the cash you loaned him (enough for a months rent) and getting no answer was enough time before you can throw out all his stuff he was too lazy and disorganised to send home. His mother died recently I heard and I am sad, I met her and found her practical and down to earth, vastly opposite to her son. I also heard he is on his way back through this town at Easter. Personally I think it is for the start of his world sympathy tour, he was always one to play on others good nature and manipulate a drink out of anyone.
Call me hard hearted, call me cynical – maybe I am, but I lived with this asshole for 6 plus months and as regular readers will know I did 150% of all that was possible to make his life easy... and the thanks I got was being shafted of the money he owed me.
Where am I tonight?? Alone in my living room on beer number 5 and barely amused at the world outside, that comfortable haze.
Obi – shitty and grumpy but still a veteran of realism...

Single Again

2008-03-02T02:57:00.006+01:00

Life can spin on a dime. Every time I say that to myself it means something different and so too this. I am now the proud owner of a slightly used singularity. YesH, I am single again. Not through any will of my own mind you, just throught the sheer act of WTF... yes, wft is a new god on the block, showing bling and doing his thing... I am single - and it barely took a second look to see it was all gone. Sure there were lots of things I would change etc... as we all would but I have also learned that everything is perfect the way it is.
Can I say the same about the knock back I got this evening from a woman I have been pinning over for the better part of 13 months??? It wasn't a real proclaimation of my feelings nor was it a reall kick in the guts in reply from her. I still adore her, she is an amazing person and wonderful in ways I will not bore my dear readers with. Still a knock back is a knock back and I have to suck it up and smile. (nobody cares if I sob or cry 'woe is me' anyway, so I gotta suck it up and save the tears for another day.)
I sat at home today alone and more comfortable and at ease than I was in the bar tonight waiting for my friends to come. It was 11.20pm when they arrived and as I discovered it was because of a wedding between 2 1/2 lovebirds I knew. I was so happy to see them and the shine in their eyes. It's been so long now since I hoped that that shine would be mine, I hardly recognised it.
Life spins on a dime - THANK FUCK for devaluing exchange rates... Obi, tripping over his bottom lip... But who cares eh?

Matt Damon & Ben Affleck

2008-02-29T12:19:00.001+01:00

Pass me the kleenex I am still crying laughing!! Obini!!

Some Kinda Record

2008-02-28T17:29:00.005+01:00

Hello Folks,

Well it must be some kinda record, I haven't added anything here for more than a week and I must say that I didn't even think about it at all... Things have been moving pretty quickly here and I have not had time to catch up with myself, I have had so much to do I have been forgetting things, seems like my lil brain has a limit of what it can focus on before it starts throwing the baby out with the bathwater. Ya live ya learn...

Special Hello to my Kuz, my Komrade In Arms In Korea. She too ladies and gentlemen is an EnGerlish Teacher and has taken on the head spinning challenge of a new country and culture to boot, so much understanding to her from me with it all and I am sure I will hear from her soooonish.

I am sorry to say that I have little to no news on any front whatsoever. This is a good thing usually, but I am a little blah about the whole thing. I have 2 new classes and 2 new private students, I dunno how it all happened I think I didnt say no enough, oh well it is all cash for me and my pocket.

I need to jump on the visa application for Russia and get the ticket soon, prices go up 60 days before the flight I am told...

I have been organised lately - well I was dragged kicking and screaming into it by neccessity. I have all my files organised and worksheets and all papers in plastic sleeves in a big folder all alphabetised and sorted. Thank God!

What else? I am cooking nice asian foods again, I bought a heap of sauces and spices in Germany when I was there and so I will dazzle my friends here with foods that arent seasoned with just black pepper.

So here it is - my life... I am busy, forgetful, disctracted and relaxed, coffed out and midday snoozing. I am a daily shopper - can't plan a weeks grocery shop, but why should I when I have the biggest supermarket in town next to my building? Polish people parking pisses me off. My girlfriend is an odd assortment of moods emotions and strategies. I need a new one. I am thankful my car is working okay and I have plenty of money to do things. I have lots of invites and enjoying life a little more than usual - which on my scale is less than most people but that is an attitudinal thing more than a fact of life, so I gotta shake off the sadness soot.

Peace to mah Homies... O.G. The Ob-inginal Gangstar...

Women are fickle

2008-02-19T20:06:00.005+01:00

Please tell me who, after discussing the future with their paramour gets miserable? Hands up please! Anyone? - Yes Obi...

Yes I do. I am in a relationship with a great girl, she is sweet, funny extremely affectionate and a real mother hen. she is a darling and takes care of me and I consider myself lucky. I spoke with Penny Century tonight about July.

Now July for her means a few things. The huge possibility to move to Dublin is looming and increasing weekly. Her estranged husband will be coming back into her life about the same time and I know her and I know she would be better off with him and I suggest this, she listens and frowns and talks around the issue.

Now July for me is a current dark time, I have no idea where I will be at that time. I need to have a job and it will likely be in a different country and away from Poland or Ireland. So the future for Penny and I is a vague and uncertain thing. I care about Penny very much but I can't bring myself to love her or perhaps to say it, for me it is too early and I am still damaged from the last situation I was in. So with that said or unsaid in this case is a catch 22 situation.

I would like her to get back with her husband, there is obviously a strong connection that needs a lot of healing and work and her daughter needs her dad and she wants to have another child. I am not a selfish man and I can see this situation from a perspective that doesnt include me. But where does that leave me? Back at square one in the do see do of love and life...

...Grab your partner and swing em round until they fall... Obi