October's End Is Nigh...

Never been a good month for me and that fact always reaffirms itself.
The weather has changed and the rainy days are becoming more frequent. That is okay I have a great raincoat and need to buy a new umbrella... 2 Euros, who can go wrong.
Today I helped a friend and her boyfriend paint her new flat. I must admit I was not relishing the idea of a roller and white paint, but I committed to it and so I went. We spent about 3 hours 2 coats of paint and finally the hideous bright yellow underneath was 99% gone.
I walked home with a sense of achievement and a friend helped. Anything to take my mind of the rolls and tumbles or R'October.
1. Good news was mum and dad were coming to visit. That was cancelled much to my disappointment
2. The promise of an airfare came as a replacement idea and that was squashed by the already fully booked airlines and the ones that could take me wanted more than 4000 euro return, I said no. I was flattered by the idea that my family wanted to see me but I cannot justify ripping 4000 Euros out of their pocket and considering the exchange rate - I am glad I didn't.
3. Met a girl and fell madly in (something??!) but played it really cool. She then flipped out for other reasons in her life and threw the baby out with the bath water - me. So I was quite crushed by that sad even. The worst thing is I work with her and now I have to look at her and speak to her nearly every day. and of course the cutting cliché that stupid non emotionally mature women come out with was said... "Can’t we just be friends?" well I am not interested in another relegation to second place and metaphorical castration... no thanks. So I said no.
4. The schedule at work as been utterly chaotic and from the extreme - I can't get work in the first half of the week and at the end of the week they wanna load me up to a stupid 13 hour day. - In fact a few of them. That plus a long list of "What shits me about working for this company is...", and I got fed up and was so close to quitting that my colleagues actually told me to go home and be sick for a few days. I called the boss and arranged a meeting and spilled it all in no poetic language. You see, the thing is that the 2 other main pillars of the teaching staff will be exiting very hastily. I am not the only one with a long list of complaints, coincidently I googled my company name and my bosses names and lo and behold, internet forums going back to before 2004 from teachers that had worked for my company and had the SAME complaints as I do... I am sure many of you are thinking I am harping on or exaggerating, but evidence suggests otherwise. I rang the competition and will likely have a new employer in the city next year.
5. German friends... it is an oxymoron. Yes I will say that I have some great friends in Erfurt, but they are hundreds of kilometres away. The locals here, I cannot say in the time I have been here in Germany I have made any more. Germans are impossible to get close to. All the people I am close to or know are NOT German. What books can I read or advice can I take that will help me change this situation, I am sick of staring out the window on the weekends... Yo Germans -prove me wrong.
6. I was soo angry and boredt he other day, Friday night, that I assessed all my classes and planned for every class one month ahead, now if you are a teacher, you will know how much work that is. I had time. I had far too much time.

The plan is simple - last long enough to get out of my ironclad apartment lease. Plan to go back to Poland for a better quality of life.

One day at a time - Obi...

October

October is shaping up to be the usual - Bad

1. Rumblings at the company have made one admin girl quit on the spot and this follows the summary dismissal of another 2 weeks before.

2. My boss sent me an email quizzing me about my classes, some rumblings are happening there too, none to my knowledge.

3. Someone very important to me is going through a serious crisis that I can't help with, I feel as if my hands have been up off, there is nothing I can do and my heart is sad. All I can do is wait and watch and see what will happen. Likely her mother will die very soon. I just hope that does not drive her away from me...

4. I have finally figured out what has upset my dear friend is Australia that has cut the communications between us. I am surpirsed and now I will have to consider this and review what I had written about this and see where it is for myself... He feels himself slighted by something I said. I will start reading now...

Obi is re reading...

Friday night sniffles

Well an email came yesterday from my boss and I was asked what was happening with my classes. it seems a few in a row have made a complaint, though I don't know how. No e-mails or direct communications have been made to my boss yet he knows... I was quite distracted by these people's conplains and in the environment of the following story I was in a state of being strung out and feeling alone. I replied to my bosses email as well as I could and I thankfully got a reply tonight that reassures me a little about what is happening and his views on things.

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I emailed me and asked what was happening and with the mood of the moment, someone close to me had her mother rushed to intensive care and is now on a respirator.

This persons feelings are very important to me and I have not been able to connect with her other than some vague smses filled with fear sadness and worry. All I can do is wait. I would really like to just hug her as she cries, which is a lot lately, but can do nothing except sit on the sidelines. ...and after being in her spotlight, I am utterly bedazzled and left a little alone and aching for her company.

But what can I do. I cannot make demands and I can do nothing but wait for her to come back around. But it is really painful to know she is in such distress and I can do nothing to support. My only consolation is that the best people to support and care for her are the rest of her family whom she is with now anyway... That thought I can manage, but it is still cold outside.

I have my cold medication and some paracetemol and they will be my company tonight. Sleep well folks, I will try and do the same. Obi-sniffsniff...

10 'Weaks' Til Christmas

First day back and I had a nice easy start, though I must say that I am still quite absent in many respects.

Being asked to give examples and contrast past perfect continuous and present prefect continuous was a tall order and although I did it, I didn't do it to any satisfaction, besides it wasn't the classes topic for that evening anyway...

I asked a student in the class tonight to give me a definition of what courageous was - he said and I quote - "...its like when I call you and asshole to your face.", and he meant it. He was the only one of the class that had the dictionary malfunction that actually turned up - so outta 6 students 1student came.

I really wonder why I am a teacher sometimes. The professional I am, I was not hurt that I had been kicked to the curb by this obtuse class, I knew it was just the one student who instigated this.

Another anomaly to me is the attentions of a girl whom I encountered a month ago in town. She knew I went away and now that I am back from the UK seems to be all the more interested in me... Women perplex me...

What else can I tell you? I have no idea... I am tired and jaded but refreshed - does that make any sense to anyone?

Off to bed - Obi

Let forever be

I have not written here for a long time and it seems like months have past. I have just returned from a holiday in England, I spent a lot of time in contemplation and read Philosophy and in small coffee shops and talking briefly with random people (because I could, it’s a rare occasion I can just chat off the cuff with people as I don't speak German and few speak English well enough for a random chat, but Germans as I discovered are not really into the random chatter thing anyway.)

My holiday asked more questions than it answered, but I was grateful for the quiet mind it gave me. For structure I turned to a book I have read many time and recommend to anyone.
The life's works of Plato, Aristotle, Seneca and Epicurus summaries and updated for a modern reader that doesn’t want to be bogged down by the Latin translations and 17th century English. It is just a great read that flows and gets you thinking.
Having said that, I took comfort in realising that many a great mind over the past 2000 years has had difficulty with coming to terms with the tangible and abstract and the folly of balancing them. I don't mean to imply hear that I am great thinking, I am by no means more or less than the norm in this human condition.
The time away offered me time to look at things literally from a distance and assess my place in the life I have created. The answers are not in yet but they are sifting through my subconscious.
Tomorrow a new day at work and 10 weeks til Christmas by my school calendar.
One of the things now on my list is to do a CELTA certificate in the early New Year. This of course will increase my options as a native speaker English teacher, but how much longer will I take this career path? I can’t be sure. But the answers are coming to me...
Obi - over and out